Do you have imagination?

In 1st seat, you have:



You're too weak for 2♦, you say?  Well, a weak 2 is a weak 2.

You don't open 2♦ if you have a 4 card major, you say?   Gee, when are you going to bid ?

If you wait for all the conditions they told you about (2 top honours, not even 3 cards in a major, etc.) you will wait a long time.  A little secret here: all those teachers (but mostly those who are not), they tell you "Don't do this," and "Don't do that," "Wait for this" and "Wait for that."  In the end, they don't want you to bid, especially when they play against you.

As I said, a weak 2 is a weak 2, and more so in 1st position.



2NT is the only forcing bid after a weak 2.  A new suit without jump is non forcing, simply saying I would prefer to play in my suit.  It is, IMO, the only way to play.

Let's say Partner opens 2♥ and I have:



and I have to pass because 2♠ is forcing?  Not for me, thank you.

A jump in a major at 3rd level is highly invitational.  So 2NT is the only force.  Opener has to show what he has.



Here are the options:

3♣ : good hand with at least one 3-card major
3♦ :  all bad (even with a 3 card or 4 card M)
3♥ : good hand, 4 spades
3♠ : good hand, 4 hearts
3NT : no M, max with good diamonds

If you bid 3♣, saying good hand with at least one 3 card M, responder bids 3♦ to ask.

3♥ : 3 spades
3♠ : 3 hearts
3NT : 3 in both M

All above is from Marty Bergen.  We have been playing that for 20 years at least.  Easy, fun to play, as are most of Bergen's contributions.

So:



WOW!  Your hand just got much, much better.  4 points, you say?  I don't think so.

So you bid 4♠?  Are you asking me?  I will say: NO‼!

Think.  How can you tell partner you like his spades VERY MUCH?  Is there some information you can give him about your hand?  How can I know this info will help him, you ask?  The fact you know or you don't know is not the point.  The point is: tell partner something he doesn't know about your hand, something that might help him.  Yeah, right, you say, like we will go to slam with my BIG 4 points  Do you know partner's hand?  NO.  So what do you bid?

It is a new bid I just invented yesterday, so it is not surprising you don't know anything about it.  Where did I find it?  In the department called Imagination (In French, "Imagination" is called: La folle du logis.  Well, actually, this bid exists, but it is the first time it will be used this way.  What is it?



Make a splinter!  What?  Yes, splinter.  I know, I know, they told you a splinter is a double jump.  Then you grew up and you learned that it can sometimes be a single jump, when obvious.  Now, with this hand, you don't even have to jump. 

WHAT?  You want me to believe I can splinter without jumping?
Yes, bid 4♥‼! 

What can 4♥ be in this sequence?  Certainly not a suit.  It is a control bid, saying I don't have 2 quick losers in that suit.  As we don't open a weak 2 with 2 aces, 4♥ has to be shortness, showing ace of diamonds by inference.

You don't play inference either, you say?   Well…

What can we call this splinter without a jump?  I created the phrase Invisible Splinter.  We already have "Invisible cue-bids" in bridge, so why not "Invisible Splinter"?

And I don't think you have to alert this.  How can we alert something invisible?? If opponents ask what is 4♥, answer Splinter and watch the look on their face...

Check this out:



They lead the Ace of hearts, you put dummy down and see partner shake his head.  Is he disappointed?  Mad at you?  After one round of trumps (Jack falling), he ruffs his 3 losers in dummy and claims, still shaking his head.  Cold slam with 22 points.

"What's the matter?"  you ask.
"Bridge is a wonderful game," he says, "and you are the most wonderful partner."

Always try to help partner, never be sloppy or negligent or in a hurry.  Think‼!  Take your time, use your imagination.  Sometimes you will become the gift from the gods of bridge: a good partner.

(On a trump lead, it's another story!)

Mother Superior and Sister Bursar

From the distance, you heard them all night, discussing, arguing, attacking more or less the opponents:

"No, Ma'am, I took this trick!"
or
"I beg your pardon, Sir, I was not down three, that's impossible!"

At a certain moment, you even saw a player trying to protect her cards from Mother Superior who was turning her opponent's tricks ("You played a diamond on my spade, you did not follow suit, I know, I saw you...") In the end, the cards were all mixed up and the director was summoned. When he arrived, the two Sisters thought they recognized their former defrocked chaplain and refused to talk to him. He tried to solve the problem, first by saying he never was a chaplain, and second by asking everyone at the table to reconstitute their hand (the boards had to follow the movement). Seeing that, Mother Superior hissed between her teeth: "Always the same... has to ask everybody... unable to make a decision!" After several minutes, and much patience from the chapl... oops, director, everything went back to normal.

I had already counted the tables and knew we would finish against them. On the first board, with Mother Superior on your right, and Sister Bursar on your left, you pick up:



You almost doubled 2NT, but waited for a 3NT...  that never came. Your partner leads the 6 of hearts (3rd-5th)



Sister Bursar calls for a small heart from dummy; you play the King and shift to the club 6 (second from a bad 4-card suit). Your partner surprises you by playing Ace, King and a small club to Sister Bursar's Jack. What does she have for her 1NT response? If your partner has the heart Queen, Sister Bursar can only have 3 Jacks, in spades, diamonds and clubs. Is it possible? In hand, Sister Bursar plays the 10 of heart, partner covers with the Queen and dummy wins with the Ace. You signal diamond while dummy plays the heart Jack and a heart, won by partner. She plays back a diamond, 10 from dummy, and you win your king. Here is the situation:



On your club ten, Sister Bursar (always thrifty) pitches a spade from dummy and you make the remainder of the tricks, partner showing up with 4 spades to the Jack (!!!). Down three.

Sister Bursar has not yet finished playing to the last trick that she shouts:

"I have nothing, I have 2 points, we said we would always respond to a minor suit opening, I won't answer anymore, it's finished!"
"I had my 15 points, Edith, I think you played poorly..."
"Stop it, I would like to have seen you..."
"Still, I had MY 15 points, hisses again Mother Superior between her lips, looking hurt."

While all this is going on, you pick up your second hand, vulnerable against not:


*Alert!

Mother Superior (South), out of turn, asks:

"Don't shout, we are not deaf. What is it?"
"My partner doesn't have 3 hearts."
"How come you know that?"
"That's what we play, Moth... sorry, Ma'am."

Mother Superior examines my partner a few seconds and turns to me.

"How many Hearts does she have?"
"I don't know."
"You're like the Chaplain, you never know nothing..."


* "Excuse me?" (indignantly). "I say, that's peculiar! I pass"
** "That's game, you know..."

You lead the heart Ace. To fully understand what is going to happen, you need to see the 4 hands:



On your Ace, partner plays the 2, upside-down attitude. You continue with the 10, ducked all around. You switch to a small club, partner wins the Ace and plays back a heart; you ruff, play the club King and a club, ruffed by dummy's 3, overruffed by partner's 4.

"I say," reacts Mother Superior.

Sister Bursar cannot stay silent:
"I don't know what's happening to you today, you play so funny..."

Your partner plays the heart King. Mother Superior ruffs in her hand and plays a spade. When she sees you sluff a club, she gives you a piercing look:

"You don't have any spades???"
"No Moth... Ma'am..."
"I find this bridge club very peculiar; she has no clubs, he has no spades. Things are not too catholic in here."
"Maybe you should call the Chaplain," chimes in Sister Bursar.
"He is not a chaplain, he is a DIRECTOR..."
"Let me see your hand!" shouts Mother Superior to me, authoritative and suspicious.
"No Moth... Ma'am..."

You pull away from the table, holding your cards to your chest, waving to your partner to do the same. One moment, it seems that Mother Superior will attack you and take away your cards, like she has done before during the evening.

But she closes her eyes, probably praying, and calms down.

Your partner takes the spade Queen and plays back a diamond. You win the Ace, and play a diamond; dummy's King wins and Mother Superior plays Ace of spades, spade won by your partner who cashes the diamond Queen for + 1400.

Mother Superior, on the brink of a nervous breakdown, becomes indignant:
"I don't know what's happening at this table, I have never seen that!..."

Sister Bursar says, with her sweetest voice: "How much was that, minus 500?" (her name suits her very well indeed) partner replies: "1400."

"1400, that's impossible..."
"Do you want to play it again?"
"No, no, put down what you like, 1400, 2000, it's all the same."
"It is not the same; 1400 is 1400; it is not 500 and it's not 2000..."
"Write down what you like..."
"We won't write down what we like, it's 1400... Would you like to call the chaplain?"
"No, no, we got to go, we must be in the convent by 10..."

You invite your partner to leave the table, before a fight breaks out.

It was an evening like any other, at your local bridge club.

Ascoli Satriano

Alas! You will never travel to Ascoli Satriano.

It is not your fault, you say, but I am not sure about that you were born in Canada, not in Italy, and you think it is a good reason. In addition, you don't travel. Or, if you travel, for exoticism you say, you rely only on travel agents, on sure things: you take packages with guides to Rome, Florence, Venice. In winter, you go to Cuba or Florida, always all included, because it is less trouble. You don't like trouble. In fact, when you travel, you do it "accidentally", like if you were staying at home. You look for Holiday Inns and eat steak, like at home.

If you decided to go to Ascoli Satriano, you would have to take a map, to establish a plan, to leave the main roads and travel into the unknown. You don't like the unknown, you prefer freeways, or the reassuring comfort of your house.
All in all, you are a bit (a lot) coward, you don't have the guts to go and see elsewhere, you prefer to stay home and repeat that travelling costs too much. But, deep down, you nevertheless envy those who travel.

In 4th position, you have:



Oh, you just love it when you have big hands! You feel secure with those Aces and Kings. LHO passes, partner passes and RHO shatters your bliss with a 3 ♠ opening bid.

Do you really want to travel, like you say you would if you could? I am giving you here the opportunity. Or are you fearful? If you feel fear, you will pass and hope that partner will double, in order to "get" them. You like it so much when you "get" them, those players who bid, too much to your liking, those players who jump into life with gusto (in fact, you are a bit jealous; you feel it is not permitted to love life like this, and to enjoy it so much). When you get them, you are so happy. When you don't get them, well, it is not your fault, you're not lucky, you didn't have a bid, partner did not double, etc. It is "so you": you want everything, but you want to stay home, in front of your TV set.

You are daydreaming, of course, partner will never double (he is more afraid than you are), you will get a bad score and you will complain about your bad luck, or about those opponents who never let you play bridge.

Or you can dare, you can pull all the stops and bid 3NT, and you will feel like when the plane starts on the runway: this irresistible thrust, that inebriates you each time, this void deep down your stomach that confirms that you are leaving, that you are airborne, that you are flying, that you are "living" at last.

Your belt fastened, you decide to listen to me, to get in there, to jump in there, and che sera sera: you take a deep breath and pull out the 3NT card. Nobody doubles and you already feel better.

LHO leads a small spade.



The sight of dummy makes you already regret your audacity: where are you going to find tricks? You were so secure, you should have passed, shouldn't you? All those small cards in dummy give you the creeps. What you like at bridge are those Aces and Kings, those sure things that nobody can take away from you, like Rome, Florence, Venice. Lower than the Queen, you don't like bridge so much any more.

You don't know what to do with those 6's, and those 7's, or 8's, or 9's. They are like those unknown destinations on road maps, where nobody goes, like Ascoli Satriano, and all those mysterious names: Bitonto, Corato, Canosa, Cerignola ... Maybe we'll get lost ...

You are breathing heavily: you really don't know what to do with this dummy. You feel anguish down your stomach and panic is creeping into you. Don't panic, count!! To count at bridge is the best antidote to panic: count, count, count. Count what? Your tricks, obviously. You have 1 trick in spades, 2 in diamonds, and ... well, don't panic. The Diamond Queen could be doubleton?

That's it, start to dream again. Count, I told you, don't dream, don't feel sorry for yourself, don't take it out on me, you dove in, you're in it now, that's life, real life. You are the master of your destiny.

Let's count something else then: RHO has probably 7 spades, that's at least a useful information. He has then 6 cards in the 3 other suits. See, we are making progress.

You can probably develop 3 tricks in clubs, if you guess them properly, obviously. Do you feel better? No? Let's go anyway.

RHO plays the spade Queen, you win the Ace and play a club; LHO plays small and it is up to you: don't play the Jack. Do you really believe clubs are breaking 3-3 on this auction? Let's be serious.

In addition, at bridge, you must try to get the opponents to play their big cards on your small cards. The 9, that card that you never look at, becomes suddenly interesting, and you play it: RHO plays the Ace!! Do you feel better now? I hope so. For my part, I am breathing a little easier. RHO plays back the 10 of diamonds, showing probably a doubleton.

You take your Ace, play a small club to the Jack, then KQ of clubs, RHO sluffing spades on the last 2 clubs. His hand should be:



See how much progress we made with nothing. All you have to do is count. West probably has a 1444 hand. If he had had a 5-card suit, maybe he would have led it. His hand should then be:



Count again: you have 1 trick in spades (eventually 2, but you have to count only sure tricks), 3 in clubs, 2 in diamonds, 6 tricks in all. Better than what we had at the start, no? You need 3 more tricks, and the location of the Ace of hearts means you won't make a trick with your King. Don't give up, don't feel discouraged, think and count, it is the only way: count, count, count. This is the position:



You are sitting on the edge of your seat, fully awake now, concentrated at 100%, that's real life (thank me now for having forced you to overcome your fear). Do you see the solution? LHO has only Hearts and Diamonds ...

You begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel: if you play the King of hearts, LHO will take it and won't be able to play diamonds, for he will give you 3 tricks. He will have to play back a heart and, if RHO doesn't have the Queen, you will be in dummy. Can RHO have the heart Queen? Maybe. Maybe she is singleton.

If she is doubleton, what will happen? LHO will win you King, play back a heart to RHO's Queen, who will cash his spade and get out with a diamond, leaving you a trick short: 3 spades, 2 diamonds and 3 clubs. This solution has therefore to be rejected. At this point in your contract, you have to root for the position that will permit you to succeed. LHO must have AQ of hearts if you want to make 9 tricks.

You don't really see clearly the rest (like when you take the road for Ascoli Satriano), but you decide to sacrifice this heart King. West takes it with the Ace, East following, and comes back a heart.

You are at the crossroads: which card do you play from dummy? Verifying once again in your mind your hypothesis of necessity, you finally play the Jack in dummy and East produces the ... 10. You heart skips a beat.

The position is now:



You are almost home. You're in dummy; count your tricks once again: you have 1 spade (eventually 2), 1 heart, 2 diamonds and 3 clubs. You can make another heart trick with the ♥ 9 8 combination in dummy. Incredible, isn't it?
You see the rest now very clearly. If you play the 9 of hearts, you will pitch a small spade, West will be in hand again with the 3rd trick for the defence.

If he comes back diamond, you will play the Jack, making 3 tricks in the suit. You will then cash the 8 of hearts. You will come back to your hand with the King of diamonds, stripping East of his last diamond and you will exit with the Jack of spades.

East will take his King, 4th trick for the defence, but will have to give you a spade for your 9th trick.
If West comes back a heart, you will make the 8 in dummy, pitching your diamond, come in hand with the King of diamonds and the rest is easy. Fascinating, isn't it?

Those 8, 9, 10 and Jacks, how they appear suddenly under a new light. In fact, you have made almost half of your tricks with these cards you don't really look at generally: J9 in hearts, J9 of clubs, and you will make the Jack of diamonds or the 10 of spades.

While you are floating, your opponents get impatient (like those people in a hurry who want to arrive in big cities very quickly and don't care for small villages). You let them huff and puff, and enjoy.

Ascoli Satriano appears on horizon, amidst the green plains and the golden pasture of Italy's heartland. High on its pinnacle, it looks like those J98xx of hearts in dummy, apparently without interest, in the middle of nowhere, out of reach.

But there was a way, all you had to do was to search for it, and you found it.

You play the 9 of hearts, pitching a small spade. West wins and comes back a heart. You win the 8 in dummy, pitching your small diamond. You play diamond to your King, and place the spade Jack on the table. East wins and comes back a spade, you win the 10 : 9 tricks and this sensation of floating, of soaring, of living, that you never felt.

At bridge, every card counts and, to succeed in a contract, you cannot afford to be snob, in a hurry or negligent: every card is important, and sometimes you have to s acrifice Rome, Florence and Venice if you want to discover the real pleasure of travelling, the real intoxication, the real world, these 8's, 9's and 10's that nobody talks about in travel guides.

If you go one day to Ascoli Satriano, you'll see, nothing has changed. You enter the village on the right, by the only street. The house of Arturo's grand-parents is just there, the third on the right, with this veranda on top on the second story that he remembers so well, even if he went there only once, 70 years ago. A little further, you arrive on the plaza. You stop at the bar and Arturo asks if the village still has some people called Rolla, his surname. The barman says: "Certainly, the mayor is a Rolla."

I told you : nothing has changed.

Sadly, it is not really the truth, one thing has changed. If you go to Ascoli Satriano, it will never be at the same time as my friend Arturo, and you will never hear him tell you how, when he was a little boy, the farmers would walk the streets of his village, in the morning, and stop at each door in order to milk the goats for the housewives.

Have a nice trip, dear friend*.

*In memory of my beloved friend Arturo Rolla, from Trieste (Italy), lover of life, who died the 28 of September 1997.

Parasail-Bridge

Gavin is giving you instructions, but you are not really listening. Knees bent, facing the wind, a bit nervous, you wait. All of a sudden, Gavin, Noel and Mervin let go of the parachute, the boat pulls you, you soar towards the sky, soon reaching 70 meters of altitude. In front of you, Barbados. Under you, the Caribbean Sea, turquoise fluted with catamarans, sailboats, surfboards and water skiers whose immaculate wakes interweave in total silence.

Sometimes, the boat stops and you stay there, hanging on air. Where is the earth, where is the sky? You don't want to know, you just want to enjoy this exhilaration of flying.

This state of grace you sometimes reach at bridge, when everything is going well, when you don't make mistakes, when good boards are followed by excellent ones. You then climb at a certain altitude, you live on a "high". You don't even talk to your partner, you just want to maintain this altitude.

On the first board, you took a sacrifice in 5♣ doubled and, with a false card, managed to keep it to -500, for 10,5 matchpoints out of 11. On the 2nd board, you locked declarer in dummy and he had to concede down 2 in 3NT for another 10,5.

On Board 9, you have :



Opponents play Precision. In Barbados, everybody plays Precision. Your partner leads the Ace of heart. Dummy:



On the heart Ace, you play the 9, upside-down. Your partner thinks a bit and returns... a club. You ruff and play back a heart. A second club ruff follows. You play back a spade. Partner wins the Ace and gives you a third club ruff for +1100. After 11 boards, midway through the session, you're at 78%.

You don't hear nothing anymore, you see only your 13 cards, you are not warm, you are not cold, you just float with the parasail, you feel like a god.

Board 12:



2♥ shows 2 controls, so 2 Kings, because you have all 4 aces. You hesitate before bidding 2NT (22-24), but you want to protect AQ of diamonds. 4NT is quantitative: 9-10 points, 4333. 5♣ says 0 or 4 aces. 6NT closes the auction but, knowing the club fit (partner has shown 4333), you decide to bid the grand in clubs. Partner corrects to 7NT.

The lead of the diamond Jack shows you have 12 tricks if clubs break 3-3 or if the Queen is well placed. Entries to dummy are scarce and the diamond blockage is annoying.

You win in hand and play the club Ace: the devilish 10 appears on your left. You follow your instincts and cash the diamond Queen before playing a spade to the King.

You need 2 heart tricks, so Heart Queen from dummy (tension, hope, fear, like before the Parasail ride). The queen wins! You soar in the sky. You have to cash the diamond King now because you will never go back to dummy.

All is left now is:



You play a small club from dummy, and you see small to your right.

The boat has stopped, you hear only the wind in the parachute, you are in a second state: since the beginning, you knew you will finesse in clubs. Will the wind die down and precipitate your fall? Or will it push you higher, till your dream of cutting the rope?

A passage from G.G. Marquez' "One Hundred Years of Solitude" comes to your mind:

"Amaranta experienced a mysterious chill in her lace petticoat and tried to hang to the sheets in order not to fall, while Remedios the Beauty was beginning to rise in the air. Ursula, already almost blind, was the only one to keep enough mind to recognize the nature of this wind that nothing could stop, and let the sheets go with this light, seeing Remedios the Beauty waving farewells in the middle of the dazzling flapping of the sheets climbing with her, leaving the world of beetles and dahlias, crossing the regions of the air where it was already four o'clock in the afternoon, to be lost forever with her in the higher spheres where the highest birds of memory could not themselves reach her."

The boat starts again. How much time did you stay there, dreaming? One second? You put the club 8 on the table... RHO plays... not a club. + 2220.

In silence, you put your cards back in the board and the boat takes you to the next table.

Trompe - L'oeil

Trompe-l'oeil is a technique used by painters, aiming essentially at creating, with artificial perspective, the illusion of real objects. Basically, it gives the illusion of three dimensions where there are only two. In Italy, in Liguria, you will find many examples of trompe-l'oeil in churches and temples.

But at bridge, can you create trompe-l'oeil ?

Look at this example, from Bob Hamman's book, At the table.

Hamman reports this hand played by John Hancock in 1955 or 56.

Hamman explains also that Sydney Lazard, one of the great names in American bridge, almost gave up bridge when he learned how Hancock had played this hand. "How can I continue to play bridge when there are people making such brilliant plays?" wondered Lazard.

Hancock opened 1NT and his partner bid 3NT, over which East hesitated quite a lot before passing, hesitation noted by everyone present.



Hancock turned towards West and said: "Make your normal lead."

Well, West led a spade, the 9.

West had found declarer's weakness and East, an excellent player, also found the right defence when he played the 10, in order to maintain communication. How could Hancock arrive at 9 tricks with this perfect start for the defence? He had only 7 tricks and, the moment he would play heart, opponents would jump on their Ace and cash all their spades.

So what was Hancock's play at trick one?

HE DUCKED !

He knew East could not have the Ace of heart, for he would have opened with AKJ10xx in spades and the heart Ace.

If Hancock took his spade Queen, he would go down for sure. So he had to throw sand in the eyes of the defenders, he had to use trompe-l'oeil in order to create a false image of his hand for East.

Now, put yourself in East's place : how can he think declarer has ducked with Qxx in spades?

The lead of the spade 9 seemed to come from a doubleton, which would confirm Qxxx in declarer's hand.

Please note this play can only succeed against a good player, a player that counts and thinks. A bad player, seeing his 10 has won the trick, would simply bang down the Ace and the King, cashing the first 6 tricks and afterwards telling everyone who would listen how this "expert" ducked a sure trick and went down 3 in 3NT.

But East was not a bad player and he fell for the trompe-l'oeil created by Hancock.

He saw declarer would never make a spade trick, after ducking the first trick, so he switched to a heart. West won and came back another spade. At trick 3, East won his spade King and, not willing to give declarer a spade trick, switched again. Hancock had now 9 tricks and it is East who looked like a fool.

But what can one do in such cases if not congratulate declarer for such a brilliant play?

At Montreal's World Championship in 2002, a player made such a play and it is just too bad we don't know his name. Here is his hand and listen carefully to the bidding.



Opening your hand, in North, at your local game, your level of interest would probably dip down towards zero because, for the immense majority of club players, to play bridge is to play the hand.

To play in defence is a bad moment to endure : it is boring and it is soooooooo long, you don't pay to be in defence, the only fun at bridge is to play the hand. If we would make a phone call, before the start of the game, let's say to all East-West players, telling them they would defend 15 out of 24 hands that night, I think a majority would not come.

Once the bidding has started like you see, which seems to indicate North-South are going to slam, you would probably have put your hand on the table and start yawning.



3♣ shows extra values and 6♦ probably shows a void in diamonds. When West bids 7♣, do you think you can do something with your awful hand? The player seating North in Montreal World Championships, instead of complaining silently about his bad cards, thought he could do something. He doubled !!

Follow closely: a double in this situation is a Lightner double and asks for a special lead. In this case, the double would probably ask for a lead in the first suit bid by dummy, spades, and says you will win the first trick, with a ruff. You cannot ruff the first trick, you say? I know and that player knew it also, BUT, using trompe-l'oeil , this player created the illusion he was ruffing spades in order to push the opponents in 7♠, which they did. But why did he do that?

Look at the hand again.



Opponents have established a fit in clubs, North has 3 clubs and maybe, MAYBE, his partner has a void in clubs and will ruff the first trick. The double worked perfectly.



The plan had worked, the trompe l'oeil had pushed the opponents in the contract he wanted : the lead was a club and North waited anxiously, heart pounding, to see his partner's first card. Here is the whole deal :



Alas, partner did not ruff (partners are sooooooooo bad !), but that is not important.

The only important thing is that this player stayed with the hand during all the bidding sequence and that he imagined a way to defeat the grand slam.

I don't know the name of the player who did this, but it is, in my view, the most brilliant bid of the year.

What a trompe-l'oeil (especially with bidding boxes !).

Neanderthal, Cro-Magnon, Homo Sapiens and the Stone Bowl

The Neanderthal Man, it seems, played bridge ("and what about the Neanderthal Woman?" will ask the feminists; in fact, and very seriously, we cannot say for sure women existed at that time because science books only mention the Neanderthal Man). Stone tablets have been found lately, from year minus 32,000, on which one could read:



An archaeologist, himself a bridge player, suggested that the numbers, and their disposition, looked like bridge. It was easy, after that, to decipher the abbreviations. A funny chap said that the game had probably been played between the National Hockey League (NHL) and the Canadian National (Railroad company, owned by the Canadian Government), hockey players' behaviour seeming to come out directly from the middle Palaeolithic, and CN's old equipment probably dating from the same era.

After protests from NHL and CN representatives, the experts concluded that NHL meant Neanderthal and CN, Cro-Magnon. Then again, we don't know if women existed because experts talk solely of Neanderthal Man (from year -150,000 to year -35,000) and Cro-Magnon Man (year -30,000).

Further research established that Neanderthal opened 1NT with 16-18 points and Cro-Magnon, with 12-14. Why this difference? was the big question. Well, it seems that Cro-Magnon was a bit snob. Being the first representative of Homo Sapiens, he had invented 1NT 12-14 to really distinguish himself from Neanderthal.

The numbers show that the score was game all, 1220 to 710 for Cro-Magnon. We don't know what happened during the third game. One theory is probably that the mockery of Cro-Magnon Men finally used up all the patience of Neanderthal Men who simply killed their opponents.

Experts also found out there was a bridge match, later, between Cro-Magnon Men and Homo Sapiens. In fact, they have only discovered a newspaper article in the England Daily Stone from the year -25,000. Here is that article, in its entirety, written by a Homo Sapiens named Standard American, freelance at the England Daily Stone. Notice the tone full of mockery of the article, that would nowadays be totally out of line and severely condemned by every organism for the protection of visible minorities and endangered species.

The Stone Bowl: Homo Sapiens proves his superiority over Cro-Magnon
by Standard American, freelance journalist
England Daily Stone

Cro-Magnon, in first position, opens 1NT, 12-14 points, and you, Homo Sapiens, have:



Do you double for penalty? You have 16 points and Cro-Magnon, only 12-14; the question to ask is not: "Do you double?" but "Do you have a good lead?," and the answer is no. Therefore, you must pass, in tempo. A good tempo is very important because primitive people, I should say especially primitive people, have very good instincts.

If you hesitate, Cro-Magnon will feel something and be on guard. In addition, before opening 1NT, Cro-Magnon very shrewdly puts his index in his mouth and then points it towards the sky to register any variation in the air. If he feels a vibration from you, he will know.

But you have discovered his trick a long time ago (you are not Homo Sapiens for nothing) and you always sit downwind when you play against him. Cro-Magnon can only feel hesitations from your Woman Sapiens, who cannot hesitate because she is sitting in the 4th seat.

Cro-Magnon suspects that his trick is not working, but his limited intelligence cannot yet find the reason.

Cro's partner passes and your partner also. You lead a small spade and you see :



Cro-Magnon grumbles something and, when his partner says "You're welcome" you understand that he said thank you. Cro-Magnon cashes three spade tricks (on the 3rd spade trick, your partner pitches the diamond Jack, promising the Ten) and you comment :

"They missed their 4-4 spade fit."

Cro-Magnon groans again and his partner translates :

"1NT making 2 is better than 2 spades making 2!"

Cro-Magnon then runs the heart 10 to your Jack. You shift to a small diamond, under AQxx. Dummy's king wins. Cro-Magnon now plays the 9 of heart from dummy, small by partner, small by Cro-Magnon and you DUCK also (you have seen Gabriel Chagas do those things before)!

A broad smile forms on Cro's short face: 8 tricks are there, +120, to beat all those Homo Sapiens with +110. Under his bushy eyebrows, you can see his little eyes full of joy.

He snorts a long triumphant grunt and you understand that he is looking for words that will avenge all past humiliations, all failures, all defeats to the hands of Homo Sapiens and their superior bidding system.

Cro-Magnon plays a 3rd heart from dummy, partner plays small and, with a splash of confidence and scorn, Cro thumps the Queen... that you win with your bare King. Cro-Magnon roars with anger. One moment, it seems that Cro-Magnon will take his axe and split your head, but his partner intervenes :

"Down, Cro, down..."

Cro-Magnon huddles up and soon, you see only his creased forehead above the table. It is clear that he is wondering how the King of hearts, which was on his right for the second finesse, suddenly appeared on his left after the third finesse. His partner, reading his mind (!), says :

"Relax, I will explain later."

You play a small diamond under AQ, your partner wins with the 10 and switches to a club. You cash AQ of clubs and AQ of diamond: 1NT down 1, + 50 for Homo Sapiens, instead of 2 spades making 2 for Cro-Magnon.

If you had doubled 1NT, Cro-Magnon would have played two spades. His partner has taught him Rescue Bids, which are really Homo Sapiens' bids designed to pull Cro-Magnon out of his misery.

If you had doubled 1NT, you would also have doubled 2 spades. Logical, isn't it? Cro's logic, but logic (even Homo Sapiens still has certain macho traits of Cro-Magnon).

And Cro-Magnon would have made 2 spades doubled.

Do you really want to face Cro's elephantine irony when he will score + 670? Not me.

The Angel's Share

At the house of wines Ott, in Provence, Mrs Castel takes us around the facilities with exquisite kindness. She explains that the wine ages in enormous casks, called "Foudres", with a capacity of 30,000 litres each. Each week though, they must add wine to the casks because of evaporation, called the "Angels' Share".

At the end of the tour, you taste different years of whites and reds, starting with the youngest and making your way back to their best year. You must not drink each wine you taste, for you will get drunk quite rapidly. You try to maintain a critical mind, to become the Devil's Advocate in order to identify qualities and nuances. The last wine tasted is simply divine and, losing all critical judgement (you did not always spit out the wines), you buy a few bottles.

Bidding a bridge hand is like wine tasting. You must avoid getting drunk, you must try to keep a critical mind, and not fall in love with your hand.

On seeing dummy though, your attitude will depend on your chances. If you got drunk in the bidding and find yourself in an impossible contract, you must continue to drink, you must get drunk with optimism and presume all cards are well placed; you must hope for a miracle and ask the Angels for help.

If, on the contrary, you have attained a sound contract, you must become extremely cautious; you must not go to sleep because it seems too easy; you must prepare for the worst and become the Devil's Advocate.

And sometimes, strange paradox, by becoming the Devil's Advocate, you will receive help from the Angels.

You open 2NT as South, partner bids Stayman; you bid 3♥ and partner bids 4♥. The lead is the 2 of spades, 3rd/5th.



Too easy, only 3 losers: a heart, a diamond and a club. A 3-2 break in hearts will see your home.

It is time to become the Devil's Advocate and watch out for a 4-1 break, the only problem you can encounter.

Jack of spades from dummy is winning. You immediately play a club to the Queen; West wins and plays back a spade to your Ace. Club to dummy's 10 and a heart to your Jack. West playing the 9.

Is it the Devil pricking your left shoulder or your Guardian Angel putting his reassuring hand on your right shoulder (everybody knows the Devil stands on our left and our Guardian Angel on our right)? Left, right, Devil or Angel, this 9 shines like a lighthouse in the night and you suddenly know trumps are 4-1. And if East still has K108, you have a trump loser. Or do you?

The Devil has taken you so far, but miracles are not his specialty. It is well known that the Devil bothers about reality and the Angels about surreality.

What do you know about East's hand? The Devil has helped you find out East has probably 2 spades and 4 hearts (KT8x).

If the Angels now have given him 3 diamonds to the Ace and 4 clubs, a miracle is going to happen.

You play the diamond Jack and a diamond towards the Queen; East wins and plays back diamond.

The Angels seem to have done their work. Here is the position you are looking for:



Ace of Clubs to pitch a spade from dummy, East follows; Jack of Clubs... ruffed in dummy, East follows!

Thank you, Guardian Angel! The stage is set: King of spades, East ruffs. A sudden silence comes over the table and everything seems to happen in slow motion as you take a trump from your hand and underruff!!

Your partner looks at you like if you were crazy. West mutters something, devil or hell something.

Only East understands what has happened. Besides, he doesn't play back immediately; he shakes his head, incredulous, not believing such beauty. You and East make eye contact for a moment and you both understand that you are not masters of those events.

In front of such poetry, of such "necessity", you both know that bridge is really the game of gods and that God probably threw the Devil in hell because he went down in a cold 3NT.

East plays back a trump, you duck to dummy's Queen and your Ace captures East's King for the 10th trick.

Who said Devil and Angels were enemies? At bridge, we often need both.

Is bridge the perfect game, which reconciles Devil and Angels, Earth and Heaven, Hell and Paradise? It seems.

The Devil though is only an advocate; his contribution is pedestrian and terrestrial. On the other hand, poetry and miracles, that's the Angel's share.

The Queens in the Tower of London

You join the visitors gathering around the Yeoman, British to the tip of his mustache, his cape in pure cashmere making you sick with envy [You have decided not to purchase this splendid cashmere overcoat at Aquascutum, on Regent Street, near Piccadilly Circus; the salesman, a perfect gentleman, brought you three coats to try ("just that you get the feel, Sir"): pure wool (very heavy), wool-cashmere (not to bad) and pure cashmere (shall I say a feather?). The salesman concluded: "The lighter on your shoulder, Sir, the heavier on your pocket". Was he ever right! Reason (i.e. your wife and wallet) finally prevailed.]

The piercing cold of January brings you back to reality.

The Yeoman, perched on a small pedestal, his back against the Bell Tower, explains that, in ancient times, the people sentenced to death (of whom a few celebrities like Thomas More and a Queen or two) were brought from the Bell Tower to the scaffold on Tower Hill (Trinity Square today) where thousands of people awaited the execution. Upon arriving at the scaffold, the convict had one final decision to make: he had to pay for the sharpening of the ax that would cut off his head; the more he paid, the sharper the ax ("The heavier on your pocket, the lighter on your neck."). And the Yeoman tells us of a convict who had to receive five strokes from the ax before his head would fall off. Brr!!

At that time, you were executed for a yes or a no; one simple denunciation and you were beheaded, to the great pleasure of the people gathered.

Catherine Howard, fifth and flirtatious wife of Henry the VIII, was beheaded.

Six years earlier, Anne Boleyn, second wife of the same Henry the VIII, sentenced to death for adultery, chose to be beheaded, kneeling, standing upright, in the interior ward of the fortress. From her room in the Bell Tower, she could hear the executioner sharpening his sword.

Bridge, like those ancient times, has Kings and Queens. But bridge has added a modern twist: Aces and trumps! Aces and trumps are so democratic, their first function is to behead Kings and Queens. When you are declarer, you look for clues that will point towards the location of Kings and Queens; and sometimes, a betrayal can be very helpful.

A declarer who has found all the clues, who has taken advantage of a betrayal (and sometimes two), can become a bloody executioner.

Poor Queens of the ancient times, they didn't stand a chance with Knaves so unfaithful they would give their Queens away.

At the Young Chelsea Bridge Club, in London, England, what strikes you first is the youth of the players; the second thing, they're all drinking Bloody Maries (nickname of Mary Tudor, for the reason you can gather).

In 4th seat, you open 1 ♠ with :



3♥is a limit-raise. Your hand is not very exciting so you bid 3♠.

The lead is the Ace of heart and the sight of the dummy does not fill you with joy, your partner, as always, consistent with her optimism :



After the heart Ace, West plays the club Jack, this surely looks like a betrayal. You take your Ace. Small spade from your hand, the Jack from West (second betrayal already?), King from dummy and small from East. Those Knaves are surely unfaithful, they have told you everything.

Spade from dummy, small from East, 10 from you hand, club from West.

West has therefore one spade, 2 clubs, 5 or 6 hearts; he has the Jack of spade, the Ace of heart (probably with the Jack), the club Jack, but not AK of diamond, that would give him 13-14 points, he would have open the bidding.

You cash the club King and West pitches a heart.

Betrayed by their Knaves, the two black Queens are with East.

You play a small heart towards the Queen, East following. King of heart, East follows again. East's and West's original hands are now open books (almost):



West has made an overcall at the two level, but did not open; if he had had the Ace of diamond, maybe he would have opened... maybe. An idea starts to take form: if..., it would be funny, a bit macabre and so... "bloody historical"!

You were a declarer looking for clues, the enemy Knaves have betrayed, you must now become an executioner, the two Queens in the Bell Tower must be beheaded for a new Queen to be crowned. The faithful Knave in your hand will carry the message of her soon-to-be coronation.

You play a spade from dummy, small from East, the 9 from you and West pitches a diamond. Ace of spade from your hand and Anne Boleyn (Queen of spade) falls under your sword.

The stage is set: small diamond from your hand, West hesitates a bit and plays... the King; with an imperceptible smile, you duck in dummy... and the Ace from East decapitates the King.

What is this sudden and thundering noise? The three ton gate at the entrance of the Bell Tower has just fallen with the Ace of diamond, the death sentence was pronounced. This is the end position:



Catherine Howard will not enter the Palace of Henry the VIII. Locked in the Bell Tower, she can see Mary Tudor, all dressed up in bloody red, waiting for her crowning; the poor Catherine can only choose the moment of her death: she can come down right now and be beheaded by the executioner (the faithful Knave will then carry the news to Mary Tudor); or Catherine can postpone her execution by sending first her little companions to their death: on the 13th trick, her head will fall anyway.

The young Englishman in the East position ponders, wriggles about in his chair; slowly, you take your Bloody Mary to your lips, and put it back down on the table. Mechanically, you slide your cards one on top of the other, as if sharpening them.

The young man looks at you, a bit annoyed; you smile back at him, understanding, like an executioner.

The Heaven of Bridge

Do you think there is a heaven of bridge?

Do you believe bridge gods exist somewhere?

I, for one, think yes.

But not a heaven with a single God: first of all, that God would surely be a man, a real macho not funny at all, who would spend his time bragging. No, I am thinking more of a heaven like the Greeks had, with many gods, men, women, all happy and very interested in... you know, a heaven where the gods would cheerfully cheat on their spouse. Zeus was the master in that domain, seducing all women, mortal or divine.

So, in my bridge heaven, the most prestigious God, and the less understood, is certainly God Squeeze.

Squeeze is a bit like Zeus in that he slept with everyone and has produced innumerable bastards: Simplesqueeze, Doublesqueeze, Triplesqueeze, Non-simultaneous-squeeze (rather twisted, you don't think?), Squeeze-without-the-count, Trumpsqueeze, CompoundSqueeze, Crisscrosssqueeze, etc.

The immense majority of players don't hang out with the Squeeze family; they find them too complicated. You have all these conditions before you can begin: Do this, don't do that, duck this, rectify the count, etc. It is hell.

In the emphatic gibberish of today's psychologists, Squeezes would surely be identified as a dysfunctional family.

Please note that squeezes are a bit like those rare diseases that you learn about in medical schools: they rarely happen. Bridge is the same thing: squeezes are rare.

The only thing you have to do at bridge is to count to... 13.

Another God is called Elimination.

He is not funny: you're always on diet, you always have to eliminate, eliminate, eliminate, it's... drastic. Elimination might be necessary anytime during a hand, at the beginning, in the middle or at the end. This God is very useful and easy to understand: all you have to do is to cash your tricks, one after the other, no finesse, no ducking, Ace, King, Queen, bang, bang, bang, that's all.

Next is a Goddess that nobody, but nobody, understands: Goddess Lead.

She is so complicated, you always go wrong with her. You try to be really careful, but it is never the right moment, never the right suit, never the right card, etc., so much that some people say she is the patron saint of women (I just repeat what I heard here, don't kill the messenger). Several people have tried to write books about her, the best ones, the worst ones, but sometimes the best is the worst, and the worst is the best. In a word, Goddess Lead is unpredictable, capricious, always changing:

"No, not there!"
"... "
"Not there either!"
"... "
"That you've already done yesterday."
"Yes, but you liked it yesterday."
"Well, I do not like it today!"

If you ask me, we men also could write a catalogue, and it would be very, very thick.

To sum it all, Goddess Lead is simply unbearable. Indeed the majority of players want so much to avoid her that they bid one more: they would rather play the contract and go one down than having to find Miss Lead. In fact, she is the point L of bridge. And she is so pretentious, she thinks she's a star, a prima donna, because she is always the first to be seen. As soon as she appears, she begins to hop around and wave and shout:

"It's me, it's me, look at me!"

Isn't that REALLY annoying? It is so tiring that majority of players have settled the matter: they do not even look at her. That will teach her!

Another God is called Endplay.

The vast majority of players avoid him, as they have only one objective: to keep the hand.

They do not understand that they can use the opponents to play suits in their place.

Losing the hand is equivalent for them as to lose their honour. If they have to make 9 tricks, they want to make them 9 in a row. They are the over-eaters of bridge. They don't understand that a bridge hand is like a meal with 3, 4 or 5 services, with pauses to digest, reflect.

They are bulimic: the first 4 or 5 tricks go quickly, like at McDonald's. At trick 6, they begin to slow down, 7 is more difficult and 8 marks the end. They lose the hand and go down.

Endplay's name says he arrives only at the end of the hand, but sometimes he appears at the first trick. When that happens, we have Endplay-on-Lead. Well, that is a sight. Can you imagine that ? Take the kids out of the room, hurry.

There is another God, very quiet, not spectacular at all, very discreet, not snob, not complicated, called Count, much more practical than Squeeze. In fact, you need him all the time. Sometimes you hear players talking about him.

"Why did you play spades? Count was telling you to play clubs."

There you have it: Count talks to you, he is there, at your service, always ready to help and, if you don't use him, well, it's your fault. If your make friend with this God, bridge becomes almost a child's game. Counting requires a little effort, but its assistance is invaluable.

In the sky of bridge, you see, there are several gods, and most of them do nothing (that is the definition of a God job: having nothing to do) except Lead with a full-time job. As for the others, you can see it day after day at the bridge table, the majority of players do not use them.

There is one last God, a Goddess in fact, extremely popular, so popular she is the Celine Dion of Olympus.

Everyone sings her songs, everyone buys magazines to hear about her life.

Do you have an idea, do you know who she is? But the Goddess Finesse, of course.

Finesse is really the most popular, the more attractive, alluring, charming, attractive, you could use the entire dictionary to describe her.

The vast majority of players spend their time running after Finesse, everybody loves her, they never have enough of her: Finesse here, Finesse there. They do not understand that Finesse should not be relied upon.

The good players are doing everything not to ask for her help, because she is not reliable: she gives you a chance out of two, 50% ( sometimes less), and that is understandable: she must be exhausted, poor Finesse, running everywhere and without judgement. For my part, I think she suffers of a chronic burn-out.

Other gods offer much higher chances of success: Count can offer 65%, 80%, even 100% sometimes; Endplay can assure you of 100%. But we must face the brutal fact: bad players believe they love to win but, basically, they would rather lose. Finesse is so beautiful, so exciting, so sexy...

You are playing 6♥. Lead is ♣K



A loser in spades, one in clubs and at least one at heart, but nothing is lost.

You win the club Ace in your hand. What is the first God who must enlist? Goddess Finesse, of course, in hearts.

Not for pleasure, a mandatory finesse is not the same as an avoidable finesse, here you have no choice. You play, therefore, a small diamond to the King, and a heart from dummy. Small, Jack from you and small on your left. Phew!

Goddess Finesse is very nice this time. You now play the Ace of heart and everyone follows. Re-phew! Voila.

After these 4 tricks, this contract is 100%, you cannot fail. The spade finesse, you say, may miss? What finesse in spades? Send Goddess Finesse home, we no longer need her. By the way, good players do not like to be seen too often with her, she has a bad reputation and they might be accused of bad dating.

After Goddess Finesse, you should now call God Elimination. Indeed you have already started, you have eliminated the hearts of enemy hands. Now you have to remove the diamonds from your hand. Go ahead, therefore: Ace of diamonds and ruff a diamond. Here's what remains:



Finesse in spades ? Didn't we send her home ? I told you, she cannot help you, she can only harm you. She will tell you that you have to guess who has the Queen of Spades. Do you believe that it is really helpful? In fact, she could make you fail.

You should rather use Endplay. First he will be pleased you called for him in the middle of the hand.

Think about it: if you play clubs, eliminating that suit your hands, opponents will have no more heart, you will have no more diamonds, no more clubs, and opponents will have to play spades for you or they will give you Ruff and Sluff, frequent accomplice of Endplay.

Why guess spades when opponents can do it for you? That's what the God Endplay can do for you: he will force West to play spades for you. If West plays a diamond or a club, you will ruff in dummy, discard the spade loser from your hand and register + 1430.

You give one trick to win 5. If this is not a good return on investment!

Speaking of investment, I'll give you a tip: my wife and I have invested for years in the same stocks and we have never lost a penny. At the end of the month, our statement is always higher than what we anticipated. Have you guessed what we invest in? It's easy, it's Visa and MasterCard!

Do not be afraid to invoke all the gods of the bridge, forget about the beautiful goddess Finesse, do not use her unless you're really, REALLY, in need. Rather ask help from everyone else, they are kind and understanding, and they are there to help you really.

As for Goddess Lead (and stocks), do like me... endure.

The Story of Tables and Chairs

In the world of bridge, everyone knows there are tables and chairs.

But did you know tables look down on chairs ?

Tables are snob, that's something I've learned in a recent tournament. One afternoon, I played in a 3-way and my team lost. That evening, a player asked another player (member of the team that had beat us) :

"Who did you beat this afternoon?"
"8 chairs," was the response.

That is when I learned that tables don't have a very high opinion of chairs.

Well, the night after that, this TABLE arrived at my chair (what can I say ?).

First board:
TABLE's partner opened 1♦ Precision, and all passed.
My chair lead a diamond and we collected 12 out of 18 for down 2.

Second board:
My chair opened 1NT and it went pass, pass, 2♥ (hearts and spades).
I passed, the TABLE passed and my partner doubled. The chairs defended well, sitting on their tricks (what can one do to a chair ?) and earned 16/18.

Third board:
TABLE's partner tried a curve ball that didn't curve. How can a flat table think of throwing a curve ball?



When the curve ball pitcher bid 5♣, the TABLE, who should have passed on 4♥, unless he takes his partner for a chair, took a very aggressive tone. With the years, chairs have been able to understand the TABLE's language.

"You have no right to bid. Once you bid 2♠, it's my show, you're out of the picture."

The chairs collected 15/18, for a total of 43 out of 54 matchpoints.

The TABLE left his chair (oops!) without saying a word. A TABLE hates looking like a chair.

Chairs of the world, beware: don't let one victory go to your head and make you think you are a TABLE.

Coral Pink Sand Dunes, Utah

In southern Utah, there is a desert where the sand is all coral.

How can the sand be uniformly coral? How is it that there are no pebbles of other colors?

Because the wind chooses them. Yes!

In search of grains, the wind ignores all the other grains, collecting only coral ones. Blowing back in its desert, the wind will drop coral grains and carry away all other grains. Amazing, is not it?

What are the functions of the sand and the wind in the desert?

Cover everything, absolutely everything that tries to go beyond the surface.

Are there any plants that still grow in this desert? Yes.

Some plants have developed a growth mode quite appropriate in the circumstances: they try to grow faster than the sand takes to recover them. Fascinating!

At bridge, in a doubled contract, declarer is like a plant trying to grow in the desert. The two defenders are the wind, unifying their efforts to submerge declarer with sand. They must choose their actions like the wind chooses the sand pebbles: they have to ignore those who are too heavy, let pass those who are too light and take only the ones who will drown the overbidders.

You have:


Partner's delayed double says: Opening hand with diamonds, short in spades. Do you pass for penalty? The pebble is too heavy, no? Your spades are not strong enough to flood declarer. So, with discipline, you bid 2♥. But... help is on the way. People really don't like to pass.



The wind is blowing harder now. What do you do ? First, you have to decide if you make 2♥. Most probably. So, you are entitled to +110 or +140. Declarer is vulnerable, down one not doubled is only +100. So you have to double to collect +200, the Kiss of Death at bridge. Opponents have decided to settle in the middle of the desert, in spite of warnings from your partner. He told them: nothing breaks, all the points are behind opener. But people don't listen. So you double. Declarer should not survive in these conditions.

What is your lead ? Your singleton, or a heart ? You decide to lead a heart to force declarer.



Declarer wins the Ace in dummy and plays back a heart.

Partner takes the King and, for lack of a better return, plays the ♠9. Declarer plays small. Do you take this grain of sand ? Is it the right color ? You decide it is not. Why not duck and let declarer play?

Declarer wins the Queen in dummy and plays a club.

Partner puts the ♣10, declarer wins the ♣A and plays a diamond. You play your singleton. Partner wins the diamond and plays back a second spade. Declarer plays the ♠J.

Do you win this second pebble? No. What will you play after ? By ducking, you keep control of trumps. Very important.

Declarer, almost engulfed now under the sand, replays a diamond. You pitch a heart and partner wins the King. He then plays the diamond Ace and another diamond for you to ruff. You finally play the Ace of spades. There are no more spades in dummy, so you can play a heart.

Declarer will still lose a club for +500 and a top.

In Coral Pink Sand Dunes, everything is back to normal. The wind and the sand have recovered everything.

The four hands:

L'invitation au voyage

"Dreams! always dreams! And the more the heart is ambitious and delicate, the more the dreams will move it away from the possible. Each man carries in him his own amount of natural opium, secreted and renewed and, from birth to death, how many hours can we count that are filled by positive pleasure, by successful and decided action?"

The thrill of thinking ahead

You have:



And partner opens 1♥!



Wow‼ You were planning to fit in hearts and now partner tells you she has also spades. Question: is 2♠ a reverse ? Depends who you ask.

For partner and me, it is only showing shape. Opener might have extras, we will know later.

So now, what do you do? Do you give fit in hearts or spades? Everybody knows 4-4 fit is better, because on the 5-3 fit, the 2 extra cards will serve to discard losers for the other hand. So you go ahead and bid 3♠.



What is partner doing? She is saying she has a nice hand, but no control in clubs. As you have all suits under control, you KCB.



Now it hits you. What does hit you? Which card would you now like to know about in partner's hand? The Heart Queen. Does she have the heart Queen? If you could know that, you would be able to bid 7. But how? You have discussed about asking bids, but you are not on firm grounds in that department. If you bid now 6♥, is it an asking bid, or to play?

So, you settle for 6♠. Now let's go back for a bit and see what we could have done better.

After 2♠, you were so excited by this double fit that you lost your concentration. What did you do wrong? With spade as trumps, as we saw, you will ask keys, but how will you know if partner has the Queen of hearts? How can we find that out? Well, Eric Kokish once wrote an article about a hand where he set a false trump suit in order to collect the information he needed in another suit. I did that also once, wrote an article about it with this title: Hommage to Eric Kokish. Alas, I don't have that article anymore (I am pretty sloppy with things and quite lazy also).

So lets go back to our hands and instead of 3♠, let's bid 3♥.



As I say all the time, we tend to play too fast at bridge. I once lost a chess tournament game by playing too fast. What's so special about that, you are asking? It was a game by correspondence!

In bridge, the pleasure, the exhilaration, is not in the result, it is in the journey. So take your time: think, think and think again before making a bid or a play. Enjoy the thrill of thinking ahead, and savour the surprise of your partner when you will put her in 7♠!

My Dog Shawnee and the Queen of Diamonds

West opens 1♥, your partner passes and East also. You have:



Have you discussed with your partner balancing bids in 4th seat? No? Well, you have a lot of work to do.

Let's say you reopen with 1NT, 11-16 over a major opening, with or without a stopper (nothing's perfect). West rebids 2 ♥ and your partner doubles, negative. What is your bid?



As your range (11-16) is quite large, you have now to bid your hand to the fullest. So you jump to 3♠, showing 4 cards and a maximum. Your partner bids 4♠ and everybody passes.

West leads the heart king.



You swear silently against your partner (you will understand later why silently). Why did't she (yes, it is my wife) bid 3NT? But now is not the time for recriminations, you have to make 10 tricks.

You duck the lead and LHO plays back a small heart.

He was end played on the lead with most probably KQ of hearts, the Queen of diamonds and AQ of clubs.

He could have played back a spade, but he didn't want to squeeze his partner's trump holding (he doesn't know your spades are anaemic).

You win with your heart Jack and... pause. Count!

West has repeated his hearts, so he has 6. Spades are probably 4-2. So East has 4 spades and 2 hearts (if he has 5 spades, it will be verrrrrry difficult).

He will always make a spade trick, so why not give it to him now? But in a peculiar way!

You are not the best player of the club for nothing. My idol Julius Caesar used to say: "Better to be 1st in Ste-Adele than 2nd in Buenos Aires!"

He was not talking about bridge, but we can transpose and use those famous sentences in other circumstances, can't we?

You play a club.

West jumps with his Ace and plays back a 3rd heart, ruffed by East, killing your Ace. But that heart Ace was useless anyway.

Opponents must believe you have lost your mind (your wife and partner looks absolutely certain you are crazy), but you are not the best player of that club for nothing, I repeat! They don't know it yet, but you are in the process of counting the hand. So you sacrificed the Ace of hearts for the big picture, opponents being reduced, in your superior mind, to mere pawns in your brilliant plan of making the contract.

After his ruff, East, endplayed now, plays back a club; small, Queen and King from dummy.

How will you play the diamonds?

First you have to play the spades and clubs to obtain the count.

Small spade to your Ace, Queen of spades (West had 2, like you pictured) and a 3rd spade to dummy's King.

Then Jack of clubs, both following, and small club ruffed, West pitching a heart on the 4th club.

The hands were then:



The position is now:



The Queen of diamond is the card you have to find now.

You play against club players who open majors with 9 points and minors with 14, and who never alert! They often play 70%, but never against you! Enough with the hesitations and bad mouthing.

Where is that Queen of diamonds?

Barry Crane, the world's greatest matchpoint player (May he rest in peace. He was assassinated 2 or 3 months after calling the director against my wife. She assures me it was not her. Now I always swear silently, as you saw previously, that is why I am still alive. You live and you learn, they say. In my case, You learn and you live), so Barry Crane said the reason for his successes was called Oscar, a mythical bird that would stand on his left shoulder and tell him how the cards lie.

Well, in my case, it is not a bird, but my Airedale dog, Shawnee, who sits down on my left (not on my shoulder, she weighs 75 pounds!) and who, depending on the card I am looking for, puts her left paw on my lap (telling me the card is on my left) or her right paw (I let you conclude).

Either that, or she wants a cookie! :)

She can also push me with her nose: twice, the card is on my left; once, well... you should know by now. Either that, or she needs to go out.

All this nonsense to tell you I don't know where is the damn Queen of diamond.

I know West has 2 diamonds and East, 3. So 3 chances for the Queen to be on my right, and 2 on my left.

But these scoundrels open majors with 9 points, and weak 2's with 5 to 8, but sometimes they have 7 cards and 11 points.

No alert, ever.

I give a look to Shawnee, she looks back at me with teary eyes, then closes her eyes, opens them again, looks to the side. It is obvious she is at a complete loss: no paw, no push with the nose. These players are so unpredictable (even them sometimes, they don't know what they are doing) that she is mystified. Poor me! I am all alone. Even my dog is abandoning me.

I have been thinking for at least 2 minutes, torn between 2 lines of play.

Then I see how I will play those diamonds. A clue? It is worth what it is worth but I want those players to suffer, I want to give them false hopes and then, at the instant they will think they have me, crush them (the hopes, not the players). Did I tell you I was the best player of that club? Yes? Just in case you forgot.

So I play the 9 of diamonds from hand. Has West hesitated a bit? He follows with this microscopic slowness that looks too quick (WOW!) and you know then you got him. Ace from dummy, small from East.

Small diamond from dummy, small to your right, King from hand, QUEEN!!!

Wouf, wouf, says Shawnee!!

Man about universe (II)

In 1996, I had entitled this way an article that won the prestigious Bols Bridge Press Award (Man about universe). The year before, I had made the final with The Apple, the Law and the Principle that was also published in BBO News.

A man about universe is penetrating, profound, contrary to the man about town who is superficial. The man about universe bridge player sees through appearances, like a poet, very different from the man about town bridge player who takes the 1st finesse he can and... goes down.

The following hand was played by Nicolas L'Ecuyer in the finals of the Canadian Championships, against Eric Kokish, Number One bridge coach in the world.

Your partner opens 1♣, Kokish on your right bids 1♥ and you have:



As the finals of a National Championships are not for timid souls, you jump to 3NT and all pass.



George Mittelman, Canadian Champion and World Mixed Pairs Champion, leads the 4 of spades (attitude lead). Kokish wins the Ace and plays back the 7, showing probably 3 cards. You win the King and... you have to make the rest, the spades being established.

You have 8 sure tricks: 1 spade, 4 hearts (your heart spots are not enough to make 5 tricks), and 3 clubs. You can find the missing 9th trick in clubs if they break 3-2. Even if they split 4-1, if you find J or 10 stiff on your right, you will make 4 tricks. Do you play clubs right away? All the men about town would, and complain after, if they go down, of their bad luck.

Nicolas, like all champions, hates to go down in cold contracts and hates even more to play without thinking, without trying all he can to avoid being forced to guess. The top players never guess, they count. And if ever they guess, it is because they are forced to, the events force them to guess. At the crucial moment, when they absolutely have to guess, they then transport themselves into another dimension, the 4th dimension, reserved to really exceptional players, brilliant, men about universe.

After winning the 2nd trick with the King of spades, Nicolas cashed his 4 heart tricks, watching intently Mittelman's discards: 3 diamonds (8, 9 and 10), then the 9 of spades. Nicolas knew at that moment that Mittelman had 5 spades, and most probably 4 diamonds and 4 clubs. With 5 diamonds, he could have led that suit. As he led spades, it should be his 5 card suit.

The more Nicolas cashed his heart tricks, the more Mittelman was finding the situation difficult, if not unbearable.



Finally Nicolas played his 2 of clubs and Mittelman followed with the 5, in tempo. Well maybe a tiny too much in tempo, with that forced relaxed way that wants to show: No problem here. Nicolas knew at that moment Mittelman had 4 clubs and he asked himself why he didn't discard one.

Follow closely: Nicolas knew that Mittelman knew that Nicolas could play small club to the Ace, then club to his King, finding the 4-1 break and pinning the Jack or the 10 stiff with Kokish, if ever that was the case.

Why didn't he discard a club? Nicolas was asking himself. To put yourself in the other player's position is one of the top qualities of a champion. So Nicolas put himself in Mittelman's shoes.

When he played the 2 of clubs, he knew he was missing J10854 in the suit. He knew also Mittelman had 4 clubs and Kokish only one. When Mittelman put the 5 of clubs on the table, Nicolas knew this was a true card, the lowest (Kokish-Mittelman play udca), and thus, Kokish could have only the... 4. If the 5 is the lowest, then Mittelman's clubs have to be J1085.

Nicolas called for the 9, making 4 tricks in the suit and eventually claiming the Canadian Championship.

Would you say Nicolas was lucky? No, luck doesn't exist at bridge. Nicolas would tell you that playing the 9 of clubs was a 100% play, that he was taking no risk.

I told you: great players don't guess, they count. However, in this arithmetic enter not only the cards, but also all the information floating around the table: the hand count for sure, but also the way the players stay still or move, their twitches, their tempo, their will to play in tempo, their determination not to have twitches, not to hesitate. And, in case of really superior players, we have to add, I think, this other power, indescribable, non measurable, that we can almost associate with the instinct of an animal who "smells" the cards.

Only a man about universe can access this supernatural arithmetic, and has enough confidence in himself, enough courage to play the way Nicolas played.

The kibitzers, and maybe Mittelman himself, must have thought Nicolas had seen the cards. When a player makes a play that prodigious, we first are shocked. Then we might become a bit irritated, telling ourselves that play was impossible, that he really saw the cards.

Then, after being forced to admit everything happened correctly and ethically, that nobody peaked, we feel, I think, a bit of jealousy in front of that amount of intelligence. And finally, if we are honest, if we can put aside all our mistrustfulness, we cannot help feeling a profound admiration for the infinitely superior player, and marvel once again about this magnificent game we play, that gives us sometimes the chance to equal the gods.

The Hollow Needle

When I was 12 I discovered books and... Arsène Lupin, the brilliant, congenial and uncatchable thief created by French writer Maurice Leblanc.

Devouring thousands and thousands of pages, novel after novel, I was traveling everywhere in France, especially in Normandy, in this region called Caux, a triangle between Rouen, Le Havre and Dieppe, with all those poetic names, but one in particular, Étretat. How I dreamt of this name, Étretat, of that landscape, of that view.

In July 1995, and then again in 1998, I finally climbed the famous cliff that enchanted my youth and discovered, for the first time, the Hollow Needle.

At the summit of the cliff, a hundred meters above the sea, you find yourself at the base of a half circle of around a kilometre. To the far left, you see a rock called Magna Porta (Big Door); to the right, another big rock called Porte d'Aval (Door Downstream). They are called doors because the cliff, in both cases, throws an arm in the sea, creating a hole though which you can pass. The Hollow Needle, a rocky cone of around 80 meters high, is situated in that half circle, on the right side, about 50 meters from Porte d'Aval.

In this novel, "The Hollow Needle (L'Aiguille Creuse)", Arsene Lupin is chased by a young student, Isidore Beautrelet, who uncovers all his plans, only by thinking and logic. Young Beautrelet puzzles all veteran policemen with his unorthodox method of not looking for clues, but of imagining first a hypothesis and seeing afterwards if the facts correspond to this hypothesis.

"And if the facts don't comply?" asked the inspector, ironic.
"Well, they will be wrong and I will look for others more docile," responded Beautrelet.

First position, vulnerable, your LHO, a very capable player, thinks for a while and opens 3♠. Your partner, non vul, bids 4♥. RHO passes and you have:



For her 4♥ bid, partner should show a good hand. You Blackwood and end up in 6NT. LHO thinks again for some time and leads... a heart.



Oops! A bit high, no? But you're not down yet.

Let's apply the Beautrelet method, let's imagine a hypothesis, let's place cards in LHO's hand that will permit us to succeed. You see right away that he needs to have a stiff Ace or King of Diamonds.

On the lead, won with the Ace in dummy, RHO plays the 10, maybe a singleton. We need to extract the second heart from LHO's hand and then play a diamond. If he has a singleton honor in diamond, he will be endplayed, forced to play a Spade or a club. At the second trick, you cash the heart King. RHO signals violently in Diamonds.

You then play a diamond, small, small, King!!! LHO thinks. Wow, your hypothesis was perfect. The more LHO thinks, the happier you are. While he thinks, your mind wanders on the cliff of Étretat and the analogy strikes you: with AQ6 to the left of your hand and K10xx of Clubs to the right, like two open doors, will LHO play into the Magna Porta AQ6, or through the Door Downstream K10xx, the Hollow Needle being obviously Diamonds?

After a lot of thinking, he plays back... the club Queen, right into the Door Downstream. That play leaves you speechless.

Does he really have QJx in Clubs? Too easy!, would say my friend Arturo. Arturo came to this conclusion while we were looking for a parking place in Florence and came upon a big empty place. Let's go further. Would LHO play the Queen without QJx? It is a fact that we play the Queen only when we have QJx.

"The facts are the facts," the inspector said to Beautrelet.
"With ordinary adversaries, yes," responded the young man. But, if the enemy has some ruse, the facts are the ones he has chosen. All those famous clues upon which you base your investigation (like opponents' signals in defence), it is easy for him to give you phony informations (falsecards). And when the opponent is Lupin (or a good bridge player), you can see to what total ineptitude he can lead us."

You look and look at the club Queen, trying to calm your heart. Arturo's words spring again in your mind: Too easy!

"Really, you say to yourself, I only have to win with my King and play to the 9 in dummy and I will cash 12 tricks in this impossible contract?"

You give a look to your LHO. He kindly smiles back. Suddenly, you recognize him: behind this benevolent expression, it's him, Arsene Lupin, and his words come back to you:

"When you will think you're about to grasp victory, it will escape you. There will be something... a detail... the sand pebble I will have placed somewhere that you will have missed."

You call upon all your will in order to think and count.

IN BRIDGE, COUNTING IS THE ONLY ANTIDOTE TO STRESS AND ANGUISH.

Lupin knew you could cash 7 heart tricks, 1 Spade and 2 Clubs, for 10 tricks. Why would he play the Queen of Clubs, giving you 4 tricks if he has QJx? Why would he play like that? Does he know something you don't know? You can't help hearing his voice, full of mockery:

"Who knows if the trap where you will fall inevitably is not already open?"

The club Queen is still on the table, shining brightly, so attractive. Almost ready to succumb, you succeed in breaking the fascination that paralyzes you and you decide to count RHO's hand: he has 1 heart, 7 diamonds. If he has 2 Spades, he has 3 little Clubs, which is logical with the bidding and LHO's club Queen. Too easy, says your instinct, too easy. There is something else, you're missing something. Go back to the bidding.

Suddenly, you have a shock, the light is so bright you have to close your eyes: LHO hesitated before opening 3♠. Did he open 3♠ with 8 cards because he was vulnerable? He would then have 8 Spades, 2 Hearts, 1 diamond and 2 Clubs. And RHO would have 1 spade, 1 heart, 7 diamonds and 4 clubs. If LHO had played back a spade, he would have submitted himself and his partner to a deadly squeeze and nobody would have been able to guard the Clubs. The only option left was to create an illusion, to try and make you believe he had QJx in Clubs.

This last hypothesis (distribution 1174 in RHO) being the one (if the facts don't comply, I will look for other ones, more docile, said Beautrelet) that will permit you to succeed, you then have to base your plan on that hypothesis and reject all other clues (attitude signals, count signals, preference signals, switch that seems to give you the contract, etc.) that opponents offer you. They are all false leads.

You win the club Queen in dummy with the Ace. You win the club Queen in dummy with the Ace. The situation should be this one:



You play first the ace of spades. Then you cash the 5 heart tricks in dummy, watching RHO's discards. He discards all his Diamonds, except the Ace. At trick 10, on the last heart, if he discards a spade, it will mean Lupin's got you. It is the moment of truth: you play the last heart and East pitches a... club. You discard the now useless Queen of diamond. The situation is now:



You play a club from dummy, small, 10 from your hand, winning. You cash the last 2 Clubs for +990.

Lupin gives you a look of admiration and murmurs:

"Well played, young man."

The four hands: