From the distance, you heard them all night, discussing, arguing, attacking more or less the opponents:
"No, Ma'am, I took this trick!"
"I beg your pardon, Sir, I was not down three, that's impossible!"
At a certain moment, you even saw a player trying to protect her cards
from Mother Superior who was turning her opponent's tricks ("You played
a diamond on my spade, you did not follow suit, I know, I saw you...")
In the end,
the cards were all mixed up and the director was summoned. When he
arrived, the two Sisters thought they recognized their former defrocked
chaplain and refused to
talk to him. He tried to solve the problem, first by saying he never
was a chaplain, and second by asking everyone at the table to
reconstitute their hand (the boards had to
follow the movement). Seeing that, Mother Superior hissed between her
teeth: "Always the same... has to ask everybody... unable to make a
decision!" After several minutes, and much patience from the chapl...
director, everything went back to normal.
I had already counted the tables and knew we would finish against them.
On the first board, with Mother Superior on your right, and Sister
Bursar on your left, you pick up:
You almost doubled 2NT, but waited for a 3NT... that never
came. Your partner leads the 6 of hearts (3rd-5th)
Sister Bursar calls for a small heart from dummy; you play the King and
shift to the club 6 (second from a bad 4-card
suit). Your partner surprises you by playing Ace, King and a small club
to Sister Bursar's Jack. What does she have
for her 1NT response? If your partner has the heart Queen, Sister
Bursar can only have 3 Jacks, in spades,
diamonds and clubs. Is it possible? In hand, Sister Bursar plays the 10
of heart, partner covers with the Queen and
dummy wins with the Ace. You signal diamond while dummy plays the heart
Jack and a heart, won by partner. She
plays back a diamond, 10 from dummy, and you win your king. Here is the
On your club ten, Sister Bursar (always thrifty) pitches a spade from
dummy and you make the remainder of the
tricks, partner showing up with 4 spades to the Jack (!!!). Down three.
Sister Bursar has not yet finished playing to the last trick that she
"I have nothing, I have 2 points, we said we would always respond to a
minor suit opening, I won't answer anymore,
"I had my 15 points, Edith, I think you played poorly..."
"Stop it, I would like to have seen you..."
"Still, I had MY 15 points, hisses again Mother Superior between her
lips, looking hurt."
While all this is going on, you pick up your second hand, vulnerable
Mother Superior (South), out of turn, asks:
"Don't shout, we are not deaf. What is it?"
"My partner doesn't have 3 hearts."
"How come you know that?"
"That's what we play, Moth... sorry, Ma'am."
Mother Superior examines my partner a few seconds and turns to me.
"How many Hearts does she have?"
"I don't know."
"You're like the Chaplain, you never know nothing..."
* "Excuse me?" (indignantly). "I say, that's peculiar! I pass"
** "That's game, you know..."
You lead the heart Ace. To fully understand what is going to happen,
you need to see the 4 hands:
On your Ace, partner plays the 2, upside-down attitude. You continue
with the 10, ducked all around. You switch to a
small club, partner wins the Ace and plays back a heart; you ruff, play
the club King and a club, ruffed by dummy's 3,
overruffed by partner's 4.
"I say," reacts Mother Superior.
Sister Bursar cannot stay silent:
"I don't know what's happening to you today, you play so funny..."
Your partner plays the heart King. Mother Superior ruffs in her hand
and plays a spade. When she sees you sluff a
club, she gives you a piercing look:
"You don't have any spades???"
"No Moth... Ma'am..."
"I find this bridge club very peculiar; she has no clubs, he has no
spades. Things are not too catholic in here."
"Maybe you should call the Chaplain," chimes in Sister Bursar.
"He is not a chaplain, he is a DIRECTOR..."
"Let me see your hand!" shouts Mother Superior to me, authoritative and
"No Moth... Ma'am..."
You pull away from the table, holding your cards to your chest, waving
to your partner to do the same. One moment,
it seems that Mother Superior will attack you and take away your cards,
like she has done before during the evening.
But she closes her eyes, probably praying, and calms down.
Your partner takes the spade Queen and plays back a diamond. You win
the Ace, and play a diamond; dummy's King
wins and Mother Superior plays Ace of spades, spade won by your partner
who cashes the diamond Queen for
Mother Superior, on the brink of a nervous breakdown, becomes
"I don't know what's happening at this
table, I have never seen that!..."
Sister Bursar says, with her sweetest voice: "How much was that, minus
500?" (her name suits her very well indeed)
partner replies: "1400."
"1400, that's impossible..."
"Do you want to play it again?"
"No, no, put down what you like, 1400, 2000, it's all the same."
"It is not the same; 1400 is 1400; it is not 500 and it's not 2000..."
"Write down what you like..."
"We won't write down what we like, it's 1400... Would you like to call
"No, no, we got to go, we must be in the convent by 10..."
You invite your partner to leave the table, before a fight breaks out.
It was an evening like any other, at your local bridge club.
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