Gavin is giving you instructions, but you are not really
listening. Knees bent, facing the wind, a bit nervous, you
wait. All of a sudden, Gavin, Noel and Mervin let go of the
parachute, the boat pulls you, you soar towards the sky, soon reaching
70 meters of altitude. In front of you, Barbados.
Under you, the Caribbean Sea, turquoise fluted with catamarans,
sailboats, surfboards and water skiers whose immaculate wakes
interweave in total silence.
Sometimes, the boat stops and you stay there, hanging on air.
Where is the earth, where is the sky? You don't want to know,
you just want to enjoy this exhilaration of flying.
This state of grace you sometimes reach at bridge, when everything is
going well, when you don't make mistakes, when good boards are followed
by excellent ones. You then climb at a certain altitude, you
live on a "high". You don't even talk to your partner, you
just want to maintain this altitude.
On the first board, you took a sacrifice in 5♣ doubled and, with a
false card, managed to keep it to -500, for 10,5 matchpoints out of
11. On the 2nd board, you locked declarer in dummy and he had
to concede down 2 in 3NT for another 10,5.
On Board 9, you have :
Opponents play Precision. In Barbados, everybody plays
Precision. Your partner leads the Ace of heart.
Dummy:
On the heart Ace, you play the 9, upside-down. Your partner
thinks a bit and returns... a club. You ruff and play back a
heart. A second club ruff follows. You play back a
spade. Partner wins the Ace and gives you a third club ruff
for +1100. After 11 boards, midway through the session,
you're at 78%.
You don't hear nothing anymore, you see only your 13 cards, you are not
warm, you are not cold, you just float with the parasail, you feel like
a god.
Board 12:
2♥ shows 2 controls, so 2 Kings, because you have all 4 aces.
You hesitate before bidding 2NT (22-24), but you want to protect AQ of
diamonds. 4NT is quantitative: 9-10 points, 4333. 5♣ says 0
or 4 aces. 6NT closes the auction but, knowing the club fit
(partner has shown 4333), you decide to bid the grand in
clubs. Partner corrects to 7NT.
The lead of the diamond Jack shows you have 12 tricks if clubs break
3-3 or if the Queen is well placed. Entries to dummy are
scarce and the diamond blockage is annoying.
You win in hand and play the club Ace: the devilish 10 appears on your
left. You follow your instincts and cash the diamond Queen
before playing a spade to the King.
You need 2 heart tricks, so Heart Queen from dummy (tension, hope,
fear, like before the Parasail ride). The queen
wins! You soar in the sky. You have to cash the
diamond King now because you will never go back to dummy.
All is left now is:
You play a small club from dummy, and you see small to your right.
The boat has stopped, you hear only the wind in the parachute, you are
in a second state: since the beginning, you knew you will finesse in
clubs. Will the wind die down and precipitate your
fall? Or will it push you higher, till your dream of cutting
the rope?
A passage from G.G. Marquez' "One
Hundred Years of Solitude" comes to your mind:
"Amaranta experienced a
mysterious chill in her lace petticoat and tried to hang to the sheets
in order not to fall, while Remedios the Beauty was beginning to rise
in the air. Ursula, already almost blind, was the only one to keep
enough mind to recognize the nature of this wind that nothing could
stop, and let the sheets go with this light, seeing Remedios the Beauty
waving farewells in the middle of the dazzling flapping of the sheets
climbing with her, leaving the world of beetles and dahlias, crossing
the regions of the air where it was already four o'clock in the
afternoon, to be lost forever with her in the higher spheres where the
highest birds of memory could not themselves reach her."
The boat starts again. How much time did you stay there,
dreaming? One second? You put the club 8 on the
table... RHO plays... not a club. + 2220.
In silence, you put your cards back in the board and the boat takes you
to the next table.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Trompe - L'oeil
Trompe-l'oeil is a technique used by painters, aiming essentially at creating,
with artificial perspective, the illusion of real objects. Basically, it gives the
illusion of three dimensions where there are only two. In Italy, in Liguria, you will
find many examples of trompe-l'oeil in churches and temples.
But at bridge, can you create trompe-l'oeil ?
Look at this example, from Bob Hamman's book, At the table.
Hamman reports this hand played by John Hancock in 1955 or 56.
Hamman explains also that Sydney Lazard, one of the great names in American bridge, almost gave up bridge when he learned how Hancock had played this hand. "How can I continue to play bridge when there are people making such brilliant plays?" wondered Lazard.
Hancock opened 1NT and his partner bid 3NT, over which East hesitated quite a lot before passing, hesitation noted by everyone present.
Hancock turned towards West and said: "Make your normal lead."
Well, West led a spade, the 9.
West had found declarer's weakness and East, an excellent player, also found the right defence when he played the 10, in order to maintain communication. How could Hancock arrive at 9 tricks with this perfect start for the defence? He had only 7 tricks and, the moment he would play heart, opponents would jump on their Ace and cash all their spades.
So what was Hancock's play at trick one?
HE DUCKED !
He knew East could not have the Ace of heart, for he would have opened with AKJ10xx in spades and the heart Ace.
If Hancock took his spade Queen, he would go down for sure. So he had to throw sand in the eyes of the defenders, he had to use trompe-l'oeil in order to create a false image of his hand for East.
Now, put yourself in East's place : how can he think declarer has ducked with Qxx in spades?
The lead of the spade 9 seemed to come from a doubleton, which would confirm Qxxx in declarer's hand.
Please note this play can only succeed against a good player, a player that counts and thinks. A bad player, seeing his 10 has won the trick, would simply bang down the Ace and the King, cashing the first 6 tricks and afterwards telling everyone who would listen how this "expert" ducked a sure trick and went down 3 in 3NT.
But East was not a bad player and he fell for the trompe-l'oeil created by Hancock.
He saw declarer would never make a spade trick, after ducking the first trick, so he switched to a heart. West won and came back another spade. At trick 3, East won his spade King and, not willing to give declarer a spade trick, switched again. Hancock had now 9 tricks and it is East who looked like a fool.
But what can one do in such cases if not congratulate declarer for such a brilliant play?
At Montreal's World Championship in 2002, a player made such a play and it is just too bad we don't know his name. Here is his hand and listen carefully to the bidding.
Opening your hand, in North, at your local game, your level of interest would probably dip down towards zero because, for the immense majority of club players, to play bridge is to play the hand.
To play in defence is a bad moment to endure : it is boring and it is soooooooo long, you don't pay to be in defence, the only fun at bridge is to play the hand. If we would make a phone call, before the start of the game, let's say to all East-West players, telling them they would defend 15 out of 24 hands that night, I think a majority would not come.
Once the bidding has started like you see, which seems to indicate North-South are going to slam, you would probably have put your hand on the table and start yawning.
3♣ shows extra values and 6♦ probably shows a void in diamonds. When West bids 7♣, do you think you can do something with your awful hand? The player seating North in Montreal World Championships, instead of complaining silently about his bad cards, thought he could do something. He doubled !!
Follow closely: a double in this situation is a Lightner double and asks for a special lead. In this case, the double would probably ask for a lead in the first suit bid by dummy, spades, and says you will win the first trick, with a ruff. You cannot ruff the first trick, you say? I know and that player knew it also, BUT, using trompe-l'oeil , this player created the illusion he was ruffing spades in order to push the opponents in 7♠, which they did. But why did he do that?
Look at the hand again.
Opponents have established a fit in clubs, North has 3 clubs and maybe, MAYBE, his partner has a void in clubs and will ruff the first trick. The double worked perfectly.
The plan had worked, the trompe l'oeil had pushed the opponents in the contract he wanted : the lead was a club and North waited anxiously, heart pounding, to see his partner's first card. Here is the whole deal :
Alas, partner did not ruff (partners are sooooooooo bad !), but that is not important.
The only important thing is that this player stayed with the hand during all the bidding sequence and that he imagined a way to defeat the grand slam.
I don't know the name of the player who did this, but it is, in my view, the most brilliant bid of the year.
What a trompe-l'oeil (especially with bidding boxes !).
But at bridge, can you create trompe-l'oeil ?
Look at this example, from Bob Hamman's book, At the table.
Hamman reports this hand played by John Hancock in 1955 or 56.
Hamman explains also that Sydney Lazard, one of the great names in American bridge, almost gave up bridge when he learned how Hancock had played this hand. "How can I continue to play bridge when there are people making such brilliant plays?" wondered Lazard.
Hancock opened 1NT and his partner bid 3NT, over which East hesitated quite a lot before passing, hesitation noted by everyone present.
Hancock turned towards West and said: "Make your normal lead."
Well, West led a spade, the 9.
West had found declarer's weakness and East, an excellent player, also found the right defence when he played the 10, in order to maintain communication. How could Hancock arrive at 9 tricks with this perfect start for the defence? He had only 7 tricks and, the moment he would play heart, opponents would jump on their Ace and cash all their spades.
So what was Hancock's play at trick one?
HE DUCKED !
He knew East could not have the Ace of heart, for he would have opened with AKJ10xx in spades and the heart Ace.
If Hancock took his spade Queen, he would go down for sure. So he had to throw sand in the eyes of the defenders, he had to use trompe-l'oeil in order to create a false image of his hand for East.
Now, put yourself in East's place : how can he think declarer has ducked with Qxx in spades?
The lead of the spade 9 seemed to come from a doubleton, which would confirm Qxxx in declarer's hand.
Please note this play can only succeed against a good player, a player that counts and thinks. A bad player, seeing his 10 has won the trick, would simply bang down the Ace and the King, cashing the first 6 tricks and afterwards telling everyone who would listen how this "expert" ducked a sure trick and went down 3 in 3NT.
But East was not a bad player and he fell for the trompe-l'oeil created by Hancock.
He saw declarer would never make a spade trick, after ducking the first trick, so he switched to a heart. West won and came back another spade. At trick 3, East won his spade King and, not willing to give declarer a spade trick, switched again. Hancock had now 9 tricks and it is East who looked like a fool.
But what can one do in such cases if not congratulate declarer for such a brilliant play?
At Montreal's World Championship in 2002, a player made such a play and it is just too bad we don't know his name. Here is his hand and listen carefully to the bidding.
Opening your hand, in North, at your local game, your level of interest would probably dip down towards zero because, for the immense majority of club players, to play bridge is to play the hand.
To play in defence is a bad moment to endure : it is boring and it is soooooooo long, you don't pay to be in defence, the only fun at bridge is to play the hand. If we would make a phone call, before the start of the game, let's say to all East-West players, telling them they would defend 15 out of 24 hands that night, I think a majority would not come.
Once the bidding has started like you see, which seems to indicate North-South are going to slam, you would probably have put your hand on the table and start yawning.
3♣ shows extra values and 6♦ probably shows a void in diamonds. When West bids 7♣, do you think you can do something with your awful hand? The player seating North in Montreal World Championships, instead of complaining silently about his bad cards, thought he could do something. He doubled !!
Follow closely: a double in this situation is a Lightner double and asks for a special lead. In this case, the double would probably ask for a lead in the first suit bid by dummy, spades, and says you will win the first trick, with a ruff. You cannot ruff the first trick, you say? I know and that player knew it also, BUT, using trompe-l'oeil , this player created the illusion he was ruffing spades in order to push the opponents in 7♠, which they did. But why did he do that?
Look at the hand again.
Opponents have established a fit in clubs, North has 3 clubs and maybe, MAYBE, his partner has a void in clubs and will ruff the first trick. The double worked perfectly.
The plan had worked, the trompe l'oeil had pushed the opponents in the contract he wanted : the lead was a club and North waited anxiously, heart pounding, to see his partner's first card. Here is the whole deal :
Alas, partner did not ruff (partners are sooooooooo bad !), but that is not important.
The only important thing is that this player stayed with the hand during all the bidding sequence and that he imagined a way to defeat the grand slam.
I don't know the name of the player who did this, but it is, in my view, the most brilliant bid of the year.
What a trompe-l'oeil (especially with bidding boxes !).
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Neanderthal, Cro-Magnon, Homo Sapiens and the Stone Bowl
The Neanderthal Man, it seems,
played bridge ("and what about the
Neanderthal Woman?" will ask the feminists; in fact, and very
seriously, we cannot say for sure women existed at that time because
science books only mention the Neanderthal Man). Stone tablets have
been found lately, from year minus 32,000, on which one could read:
An archaeologist, himself a bridge player, suggested that the numbers, and their disposition, looked like bridge. It was easy, after that, to decipher the abbreviations. A funny chap said that the game had probably been played between the National Hockey League (NHL) and the Canadian National (Railroad company, owned by the Canadian Government), hockey players' behaviour seeming to come out directly from the middle Palaeolithic, and CN's old equipment probably dating from the same era.
After protests from NHL and CN representatives, the experts concluded that NHL meant Neanderthal and CN, Cro-Magnon. Then again, we don't know if women existed because experts talk solely of Neanderthal Man (from year -150,000 to year -35,000) and Cro-Magnon Man (year -30,000).
Further research established that Neanderthal opened 1NT with 16-18 points and Cro-Magnon, with 12-14. Why this difference? was the big question. Well, it seems that Cro-Magnon was a bit snob. Being the first representative of Homo Sapiens, he had invented 1NT 12-14 to really distinguish himself from Neanderthal.
The numbers show that the score was game all, 1220 to 710 for Cro-Magnon. We don't know what happened during the third game. One theory is probably that the mockery of Cro-Magnon Men finally used up all the patience of Neanderthal Men who simply killed their opponents.
Experts also found out there was a bridge match, later, between Cro-Magnon Men and Homo Sapiens. In fact, they have only discovered a newspaper article in the England Daily Stone from the year -25,000. Here is that article, in its entirety, written by a Homo Sapiens named Standard American, freelance at the England Daily Stone. Notice the tone full of mockery of the article, that would nowadays be totally out of line and severely condemned by every organism for the protection of visible minorities and endangered species.
The Stone Bowl: Homo Sapiens proves his superiority over Cro-Magnon
by Standard American, freelance journalist
England Daily Stone
Cro-Magnon, in first position, opens 1NT, 12-14 points, and you, Homo Sapiens, have:
Do you double for penalty? You have 16 points and Cro-Magnon, only 12-14; the question to ask is not: "Do you double?" but "Do you have a good lead?," and the answer is no. Therefore, you must pass, in tempo. A good tempo is very important because primitive people, I should say especially primitive people, have very good instincts.
If you hesitate, Cro-Magnon will feel something and be on guard. In addition, before opening 1NT, Cro-Magnon very shrewdly puts his index in his mouth and then points it towards the sky to register any variation in the air. If he feels a vibration from you, he will know.
But you have discovered his trick a long time ago (you are not Homo Sapiens for nothing) and you always sit downwind when you play against him. Cro-Magnon can only feel hesitations from your Woman Sapiens, who cannot hesitate because she is sitting in the 4th seat.
Cro-Magnon suspects that his trick is not working, but his limited intelligence cannot yet find the reason.
Cro's partner passes and your partner also. You lead a small spade and you see :
Cro-Magnon grumbles something and, when his partner says "You're welcome" you understand that he said thank you. Cro-Magnon cashes three spade tricks (on the 3rd spade trick, your partner pitches the diamond Jack, promising the Ten) and you comment :
"They missed their 4-4 spade fit."
Cro-Magnon groans again and his partner translates :
"1NT making 2 is better than 2 spades making 2!"
Cro-Magnon then runs the heart 10 to your Jack. You shift to a small diamond, under AQxx. Dummy's king wins. Cro-Magnon now plays the 9 of heart from dummy, small by partner, small by Cro-Magnon and you DUCK also (you have seen Gabriel Chagas do those things before)!
A broad smile forms on Cro's short face: 8 tricks are there, +120, to beat all those Homo Sapiens with +110. Under his bushy eyebrows, you can see his little eyes full of joy.
He snorts a long triumphant grunt and you understand that he is looking for words that will avenge all past humiliations, all failures, all defeats to the hands of Homo Sapiens and their superior bidding system.
Cro-Magnon plays a 3rd heart from dummy, partner plays small and, with a splash of confidence and scorn, Cro thumps the Queen... that you win with your bare King. Cro-Magnon roars with anger. One moment, it seems that Cro-Magnon will take his axe and split your head, but his partner intervenes :
"Down, Cro, down..."
Cro-Magnon huddles up and soon, you see only his creased forehead above the table. It is clear that he is wondering how the King of hearts, which was on his right for the second finesse, suddenly appeared on his left after the third finesse. His partner, reading his mind (!), says :
"Relax, I will explain later."
You play a small diamond under AQ, your partner wins with the 10 and switches to a club. You cash AQ of clubs and AQ of diamond: 1NT down 1, + 50 for Homo Sapiens, instead of 2 spades making 2 for Cro-Magnon.
If you had doubled 1NT, Cro-Magnon would have played two spades. His partner has taught him Rescue Bids, which are really Homo Sapiens' bids designed to pull Cro-Magnon out of his misery.
If you had doubled 1NT, you would also have doubled 2 spades. Logical, isn't it? Cro's logic, but logic (even Homo Sapiens still has certain macho traits of Cro-Magnon).
And Cro-Magnon would have made 2 spades doubled.
Do you really want to face Cro's elephantine irony when he will score + 670? Not me.
An archaeologist, himself a bridge player, suggested that the numbers, and their disposition, looked like bridge. It was easy, after that, to decipher the abbreviations. A funny chap said that the game had probably been played between the National Hockey League (NHL) and the Canadian National (Railroad company, owned by the Canadian Government), hockey players' behaviour seeming to come out directly from the middle Palaeolithic, and CN's old equipment probably dating from the same era.
After protests from NHL and CN representatives, the experts concluded that NHL meant Neanderthal and CN, Cro-Magnon. Then again, we don't know if women existed because experts talk solely of Neanderthal Man (from year -150,000 to year -35,000) and Cro-Magnon Man (year -30,000).
Further research established that Neanderthal opened 1NT with 16-18 points and Cro-Magnon, with 12-14. Why this difference? was the big question. Well, it seems that Cro-Magnon was a bit snob. Being the first representative of Homo Sapiens, he had invented 1NT 12-14 to really distinguish himself from Neanderthal.
The numbers show that the score was game all, 1220 to 710 for Cro-Magnon. We don't know what happened during the third game. One theory is probably that the mockery of Cro-Magnon Men finally used up all the patience of Neanderthal Men who simply killed their opponents.
Experts also found out there was a bridge match, later, between Cro-Magnon Men and Homo Sapiens. In fact, they have only discovered a newspaper article in the England Daily Stone from the year -25,000. Here is that article, in its entirety, written by a Homo Sapiens named Standard American, freelance at the England Daily Stone. Notice the tone full of mockery of the article, that would nowadays be totally out of line and severely condemned by every organism for the protection of visible minorities and endangered species.
The Stone Bowl: Homo Sapiens proves his superiority over Cro-Magnon
by Standard American, freelance journalist
England Daily Stone
Cro-Magnon, in first position, opens 1NT, 12-14 points, and you, Homo Sapiens, have:
Do you double for penalty? You have 16 points and Cro-Magnon, only 12-14; the question to ask is not: "Do you double?" but "Do you have a good lead?," and the answer is no. Therefore, you must pass, in tempo. A good tempo is very important because primitive people, I should say especially primitive people, have very good instincts.
If you hesitate, Cro-Magnon will feel something and be on guard. In addition, before opening 1NT, Cro-Magnon very shrewdly puts his index in his mouth and then points it towards the sky to register any variation in the air. If he feels a vibration from you, he will know.
But you have discovered his trick a long time ago (you are not Homo Sapiens for nothing) and you always sit downwind when you play against him. Cro-Magnon can only feel hesitations from your Woman Sapiens, who cannot hesitate because she is sitting in the 4th seat.
Cro-Magnon suspects that his trick is not working, but his limited intelligence cannot yet find the reason.
Cro's partner passes and your partner also. You lead a small spade and you see :
Cro-Magnon grumbles something and, when his partner says "You're welcome" you understand that he said thank you. Cro-Magnon cashes three spade tricks (on the 3rd spade trick, your partner pitches the diamond Jack, promising the Ten) and you comment :
"They missed their 4-4 spade fit."
Cro-Magnon groans again and his partner translates :
"1NT making 2 is better than 2 spades making 2!"
Cro-Magnon then runs the heart 10 to your Jack. You shift to a small diamond, under AQxx. Dummy's king wins. Cro-Magnon now plays the 9 of heart from dummy, small by partner, small by Cro-Magnon and you DUCK also (you have seen Gabriel Chagas do those things before)!
A broad smile forms on Cro's short face: 8 tricks are there, +120, to beat all those Homo Sapiens with +110. Under his bushy eyebrows, you can see his little eyes full of joy.
He snorts a long triumphant grunt and you understand that he is looking for words that will avenge all past humiliations, all failures, all defeats to the hands of Homo Sapiens and their superior bidding system.
Cro-Magnon plays a 3rd heart from dummy, partner plays small and, with a splash of confidence and scorn, Cro thumps the Queen... that you win with your bare King. Cro-Magnon roars with anger. One moment, it seems that Cro-Magnon will take his axe and split your head, but his partner intervenes :
"Down, Cro, down..."
Cro-Magnon huddles up and soon, you see only his creased forehead above the table. It is clear that he is wondering how the King of hearts, which was on his right for the second finesse, suddenly appeared on his left after the third finesse. His partner, reading his mind (!), says :
"Relax, I will explain later."
You play a small diamond under AQ, your partner wins with the 10 and switches to a club. You cash AQ of clubs and AQ of diamond: 1NT down 1, + 50 for Homo Sapiens, instead of 2 spades making 2 for Cro-Magnon.
If you had doubled 1NT, Cro-Magnon would have played two spades. His partner has taught him Rescue Bids, which are really Homo Sapiens' bids designed to pull Cro-Magnon out of his misery.
If you had doubled 1NT, you would also have doubled 2 spades. Logical, isn't it? Cro's logic, but logic (even Homo Sapiens still has certain macho traits of Cro-Magnon).
And Cro-Magnon would have made 2 spades doubled.
Do you really want to face Cro's elephantine irony when he will score + 670? Not me.
Friday, May 16, 2014
The Angel's Share
At the house of wines Ott, in Provence, Mrs Castel takes us around the
facilities with exquisite kindness. She explains that the wine ages in
enormous casks, called "Foudres", with a capacity of 30,000 litres
each. Each week though, they must add wine to the casks because of
evaporation, called the "Angels' Share".
At the end of the tour, you taste different years of whites and reds, starting with the youngest and making your way back to their best year. You must not drink each wine you taste, for you will get drunk quite rapidly. You try to maintain a critical mind, to become the Devil's Advocate in order to identify qualities and nuances. The last wine tasted is simply divine and, losing all critical judgement (you did not always spit out the wines), you buy a few bottles.
Bidding a bridge hand is like wine tasting. You must avoid getting drunk, you must try to keep a critical mind, and not fall in love with your hand.
On seeing dummy though, your attitude will depend on your chances. If you got drunk in the bidding and find yourself in an impossible contract, you must continue to drink, you must get drunk with optimism and presume all cards are well placed; you must hope for a miracle and ask the Angels for help.
If, on the contrary, you have attained a sound contract, you must become extremely cautious; you must not go to sleep because it seems too easy; you must prepare for the worst and become the Devil's Advocate.
And sometimes, strange paradox, by becoming the Devil's Advocate, you will receive help from the Angels.
You open 2NT as South, partner bids Stayman; you bid 3♥ and partner bids 4♥. The lead is the 2 of spades, 3rd/5th.
Too easy, only 3 losers: a heart, a diamond and a club. A 3-2 break in hearts will see your home.
It is time to become the Devil's Advocate and watch out for a 4-1 break, the only problem you can encounter.
Jack of spades from dummy is winning. You immediately play a club to the Queen; West wins and plays back a spade to your Ace. Club to dummy's 10 and a heart to your Jack. West playing the 9.
Is it the Devil pricking your left shoulder or your Guardian Angel putting his reassuring hand on your right shoulder (everybody knows the Devil stands on our left and our Guardian Angel on our right)? Left, right, Devil or Angel, this 9 shines like a lighthouse in the night and you suddenly know trumps are 4-1. And if East still has K108, you have a trump loser. Or do you?
The Devil has taken you so far, but miracles are not his specialty. It is well known that the Devil bothers about reality and the Angels about surreality.
What do you know about East's hand? The Devil has helped you find out East has probably 2 spades and 4 hearts (KT8x).
If the Angels now have given him 3 diamonds to the Ace and 4 clubs, a miracle is going to happen.
You play the diamond Jack and a diamond towards the Queen; East wins and plays back diamond.
The Angels seem to have done their work. Here is the position you are looking for:
Ace of Clubs to pitch a spade from dummy, East follows; Jack of Clubs... ruffed in dummy, East follows!
Thank you, Guardian Angel! The stage is set: King of spades, East ruffs. A sudden silence comes over the table and everything seems to happen in slow motion as you take a trump from your hand and underruff!!
Your partner looks at you like if you were crazy. West mutters something, devil or hell something.
Only East understands what has happened. Besides, he doesn't play back immediately; he shakes his head, incredulous, not believing such beauty. You and East make eye contact for a moment and you both understand that you are not masters of those events.
In front of such poetry, of such "necessity", you both know that bridge is really the game of gods and that God probably threw the Devil in hell because he went down in a cold 3NT.
East plays back a trump, you duck to dummy's Queen and your Ace captures East's King for the 10th trick.
Who said Devil and Angels were enemies? At bridge, we often need both.
Is bridge the perfect game, which reconciles Devil and Angels, Earth and Heaven, Hell and Paradise? It seems.
The Devil though is only an advocate; his contribution is pedestrian and terrestrial. On the other hand, poetry and miracles, that's the Angel's share.
At the end of the tour, you taste different years of whites and reds, starting with the youngest and making your way back to their best year. You must not drink each wine you taste, for you will get drunk quite rapidly. You try to maintain a critical mind, to become the Devil's Advocate in order to identify qualities and nuances. The last wine tasted is simply divine and, losing all critical judgement (you did not always spit out the wines), you buy a few bottles.
Bidding a bridge hand is like wine tasting. You must avoid getting drunk, you must try to keep a critical mind, and not fall in love with your hand.
On seeing dummy though, your attitude will depend on your chances. If you got drunk in the bidding and find yourself in an impossible contract, you must continue to drink, you must get drunk with optimism and presume all cards are well placed; you must hope for a miracle and ask the Angels for help.
If, on the contrary, you have attained a sound contract, you must become extremely cautious; you must not go to sleep because it seems too easy; you must prepare for the worst and become the Devil's Advocate.
And sometimes, strange paradox, by becoming the Devil's Advocate, you will receive help from the Angels.
You open 2NT as South, partner bids Stayman; you bid 3♥ and partner bids 4♥. The lead is the 2 of spades, 3rd/5th.
Too easy, only 3 losers: a heart, a diamond and a club. A 3-2 break in hearts will see your home.
It is time to become the Devil's Advocate and watch out for a 4-1 break, the only problem you can encounter.
Jack of spades from dummy is winning. You immediately play a club to the Queen; West wins and plays back a spade to your Ace. Club to dummy's 10 and a heart to your Jack. West playing the 9.
Is it the Devil pricking your left shoulder or your Guardian Angel putting his reassuring hand on your right shoulder (everybody knows the Devil stands on our left and our Guardian Angel on our right)? Left, right, Devil or Angel, this 9 shines like a lighthouse in the night and you suddenly know trumps are 4-1. And if East still has K108, you have a trump loser. Or do you?
The Devil has taken you so far, but miracles are not his specialty. It is well known that the Devil bothers about reality and the Angels about surreality.
What do you know about East's hand? The Devil has helped you find out East has probably 2 spades and 4 hearts (KT8x).
If the Angels now have given him 3 diamonds to the Ace and 4 clubs, a miracle is going to happen.
You play the diamond Jack and a diamond towards the Queen; East wins and plays back diamond.
The Angels seem to have done their work. Here is the position you are looking for:
Ace of Clubs to pitch a spade from dummy, East follows; Jack of Clubs... ruffed in dummy, East follows!
Thank you, Guardian Angel! The stage is set: King of spades, East ruffs. A sudden silence comes over the table and everything seems to happen in slow motion as you take a trump from your hand and underruff!!
Your partner looks at you like if you were crazy. West mutters something, devil or hell something.
Only East understands what has happened. Besides, he doesn't play back immediately; he shakes his head, incredulous, not believing such beauty. You and East make eye contact for a moment and you both understand that you are not masters of those events.
In front of such poetry, of such "necessity", you both know that bridge is really the game of gods and that God probably threw the Devil in hell because he went down in a cold 3NT.
East plays back a trump, you duck to dummy's Queen and your Ace captures East's King for the 10th trick.
Who said Devil and Angels were enemies? At bridge, we often need both.
Is bridge the perfect game, which reconciles Devil and Angels, Earth and Heaven, Hell and Paradise? It seems.
The Devil though is only an advocate; his contribution is pedestrian and terrestrial. On the other hand, poetry and miracles, that's the Angel's share.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The Queens in the Tower of London
You join the visitors gathering around the Yeoman, British to the tip
of his mustache, his cape in pure cashmere making you sick with envy
[You have decided
not to purchase this splendid cashmere overcoat at
Aquascutum, on Regent Street, near Piccadilly Circus; the salesman, a
perfect gentleman, brought you three coats to try ("just that you get
the feel, Sir"): pure wool (very heavy), wool-cashmere (not to bad) and
pure cashmere (shall I say a feather?). The salesman concluded:
"The lighter on your shoulder, Sir, the heavier on your pocket". Was he
ever right! Reason (i.e. your wife and wallet) finally prevailed.]
The piercing cold of January brings you back to reality.
The Yeoman, perched on a small pedestal, his back against the Bell Tower, explains that, in ancient times, the people sentenced to death (of whom a few celebrities like Thomas More and a Queen or two) were brought from the Bell Tower to the scaffold on Tower Hill (Trinity Square today) where thousands of people awaited the execution. Upon arriving at the scaffold, the convict had one final decision to make: he had to pay for the sharpening of the ax that would cut off his head; the more he paid, the sharper the ax ("The heavier on your pocket, the lighter on your neck."). And the Yeoman tells us of a convict who had to receive five strokes from the ax before his head would fall off. Brr!!
At that time, you were executed for a yes or a no; one simple denunciation and you were beheaded, to the great pleasure of the people gathered.
Catherine Howard, fifth and flirtatious wife of Henry the VIII, was beheaded.
Six years earlier, Anne Boleyn, second wife of the same Henry the VIII, sentenced to death for adultery, chose to be beheaded, kneeling, standing upright, in the interior ward of the fortress. From her room in the Bell Tower, she could hear the executioner sharpening his sword.
Bridge, like those ancient times, has Kings and Queens. But bridge has added a modern twist: Aces and trumps! Aces and trumps are so democratic, their first function is to behead Kings and Queens. When you are declarer, you look for clues that will point towards the location of Kings and Queens; and sometimes, a betrayal can be very helpful.
A declarer who has found all the clues, who has taken advantage of a betrayal (and sometimes two), can become a bloody executioner.
Poor Queens of the ancient times, they didn't stand a chance with Knaves so unfaithful they would give their Queens away.
At the Young Chelsea Bridge Club, in London, England, what strikes you first is the youth of the players; the second thing, they're all drinking Bloody Maries (nickname of Mary Tudor, for the reason you can gather).
In 4th seat, you open 1 ♠ with :
3♥is a limit-raise. Your hand is not very exciting so you bid 3♠.
The lead is the Ace of heart and the sight of the dummy does not fill you with joy, your partner, as always, consistent with her optimism :
After the heart Ace, West plays the club Jack, this surely looks like a betrayal. You take your Ace. Small spade from your hand, the Jack from West (second betrayal already?), King from dummy and small from East. Those Knaves are surely unfaithful, they have told you everything.
Spade from dummy, small from East, 10 from you hand, club from West.
West has therefore one spade, 2 clubs, 5 or 6 hearts; he has the Jack of spade, the Ace of heart (probably with the Jack), the club Jack, but not AK of diamond, that would give him 13-14 points, he would have open the bidding.
You cash the club King and West pitches a heart.
Betrayed by their Knaves, the two black Queens are with East.
You play a small heart towards the Queen, East following. King of heart, East follows again. East's and West's original hands are now open books (almost):
West has made an overcall at the two level, but did not open; if he had had the Ace of diamond, maybe he would have opened... maybe. An idea starts to take form: if..., it would be funny, a bit macabre and so... "bloody historical"!
You were a declarer looking for clues, the enemy Knaves have betrayed, you must now become an executioner, the two Queens in the Bell Tower must be beheaded for a new Queen to be crowned. The faithful Knave in your hand will carry the message of her soon-to-be coronation.
You play a spade from dummy, small from East, the 9 from you and West pitches a diamond. Ace of spade from your hand and Anne Boleyn (Queen of spade) falls under your sword.
The stage is set: small diamond from your hand, West hesitates a bit and plays... the King; with an imperceptible smile, you duck in dummy... and the Ace from East decapitates the King.
What is this sudden and thundering noise? The three ton gate at the entrance of the Bell Tower has just fallen with the Ace of diamond, the death sentence was pronounced. This is the end position:
Catherine Howard will not enter the Palace of Henry the VIII. Locked in the Bell Tower, she can see Mary Tudor, all dressed up in bloody red, waiting for her crowning; the poor Catherine can only choose the moment of her death: she can come down right now and be beheaded by the executioner (the faithful Knave will then carry the news to Mary Tudor); or Catherine can postpone her execution by sending first her little companions to their death: on the 13th trick, her head will fall anyway.
The young Englishman in the East position ponders, wriggles about in his chair; slowly, you take your Bloody Mary to your lips, and put it back down on the table. Mechanically, you slide your cards one on top of the other, as if sharpening them.
The young man looks at you, a bit annoyed; you smile back at him, understanding, like an executioner.
The piercing cold of January brings you back to reality.
The Yeoman, perched on a small pedestal, his back against the Bell Tower, explains that, in ancient times, the people sentenced to death (of whom a few celebrities like Thomas More and a Queen or two) were brought from the Bell Tower to the scaffold on Tower Hill (Trinity Square today) where thousands of people awaited the execution. Upon arriving at the scaffold, the convict had one final decision to make: he had to pay for the sharpening of the ax that would cut off his head; the more he paid, the sharper the ax ("The heavier on your pocket, the lighter on your neck."). And the Yeoman tells us of a convict who had to receive five strokes from the ax before his head would fall off. Brr!!
At that time, you were executed for a yes or a no; one simple denunciation and you were beheaded, to the great pleasure of the people gathered.
Catherine Howard, fifth and flirtatious wife of Henry the VIII, was beheaded.
Six years earlier, Anne Boleyn, second wife of the same Henry the VIII, sentenced to death for adultery, chose to be beheaded, kneeling, standing upright, in the interior ward of the fortress. From her room in the Bell Tower, she could hear the executioner sharpening his sword.
Bridge, like those ancient times, has Kings and Queens. But bridge has added a modern twist: Aces and trumps! Aces and trumps are so democratic, their first function is to behead Kings and Queens. When you are declarer, you look for clues that will point towards the location of Kings and Queens; and sometimes, a betrayal can be very helpful.
A declarer who has found all the clues, who has taken advantage of a betrayal (and sometimes two), can become a bloody executioner.
Poor Queens of the ancient times, they didn't stand a chance with Knaves so unfaithful they would give their Queens away.
At the Young Chelsea Bridge Club, in London, England, what strikes you first is the youth of the players; the second thing, they're all drinking Bloody Maries (nickname of Mary Tudor, for the reason you can gather).
In 4th seat, you open 1 ♠ with :
3♥is a limit-raise. Your hand is not very exciting so you bid 3♠.
The lead is the Ace of heart and the sight of the dummy does not fill you with joy, your partner, as always, consistent with her optimism :
After the heart Ace, West plays the club Jack, this surely looks like a betrayal. You take your Ace. Small spade from your hand, the Jack from West (second betrayal already?), King from dummy and small from East. Those Knaves are surely unfaithful, they have told you everything.
Spade from dummy, small from East, 10 from you hand, club from West.
West has therefore one spade, 2 clubs, 5 or 6 hearts; he has the Jack of spade, the Ace of heart (probably with the Jack), the club Jack, but not AK of diamond, that would give him 13-14 points, he would have open the bidding.
You cash the club King and West pitches a heart.
Betrayed by their Knaves, the two black Queens are with East.
You play a small heart towards the Queen, East following. King of heart, East follows again. East's and West's original hands are now open books (almost):
West has made an overcall at the two level, but did not open; if he had had the Ace of diamond, maybe he would have opened... maybe. An idea starts to take form: if..., it would be funny, a bit macabre and so... "bloody historical"!
You were a declarer looking for clues, the enemy Knaves have betrayed, you must now become an executioner, the two Queens in the Bell Tower must be beheaded for a new Queen to be crowned. The faithful Knave in your hand will carry the message of her soon-to-be coronation.
You play a spade from dummy, small from East, the 9 from you and West pitches a diamond. Ace of spade from your hand and Anne Boleyn (Queen of spade) falls under your sword.
The stage is set: small diamond from your hand, West hesitates a bit and plays... the King; with an imperceptible smile, you duck in dummy... and the Ace from East decapitates the King.
What is this sudden and thundering noise? The three ton gate at the entrance of the Bell Tower has just fallen with the Ace of diamond, the death sentence was pronounced. This is the end position:
Catherine Howard will not enter the Palace of Henry the VIII. Locked in the Bell Tower, she can see Mary Tudor, all dressed up in bloody red, waiting for her crowning; the poor Catherine can only choose the moment of her death: she can come down right now and be beheaded by the executioner (the faithful Knave will then carry the news to Mary Tudor); or Catherine can postpone her execution by sending first her little companions to their death: on the 13th trick, her head will fall anyway.
The young Englishman in the East position ponders, wriggles about in his chair; slowly, you take your Bloody Mary to your lips, and put it back down on the table. Mechanically, you slide your cards one on top of the other, as if sharpening them.
The young man looks at you, a bit annoyed; you smile back at him, understanding, like an executioner.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
The Heaven of Bridge
Do you think there is a heaven of bridge?
Do you believe bridge gods exist somewhere?
I, for one, think yes.
But not a heaven with a single God: first of all, that God would surely be a man, a real macho not funny at all, who would spend his time bragging. No, I am thinking more of a heaven like the Greeks had, with many gods, men, women, all happy and very interested in... you know, a heaven where the gods would cheerfully cheat on their spouse. Zeus was the master in that domain, seducing all women, mortal or divine.
So, in my bridge heaven, the most prestigious God, and the less understood, is certainly God Squeeze.
Squeeze is a bit like Zeus in that he slept with everyone and has produced innumerable bastards: Simplesqueeze, Doublesqueeze, Triplesqueeze, Non-simultaneous-squeeze (rather twisted, you don't think?), Squeeze-without-the-count, Trumpsqueeze, CompoundSqueeze, Crisscrosssqueeze, etc.
The immense majority of players don't hang out with the Squeeze family; they find them too complicated. You have all these conditions before you can begin: Do this, don't do that, duck this, rectify the count, etc. It is hell.
In the emphatic gibberish of today's psychologists, Squeezes would surely be identified as a dysfunctional family.
Please note that squeezes are a bit like those rare diseases that you learn about in medical schools: they rarely happen. Bridge is the same thing: squeezes are rare.
The only thing you have to do at bridge is to count to... 13.
Another God is called Elimination.
He is not funny: you're always on diet, you always have to eliminate, eliminate, eliminate, it's... drastic. Elimination might be necessary anytime during a hand, at the beginning, in the middle or at the end. This God is very useful and easy to understand: all you have to do is to cash your tricks, one after the other, no finesse, no ducking, Ace, King, Queen, bang, bang, bang, that's all.
Next is a Goddess that nobody, but nobody, understands: Goddess Lead.
She is so complicated, you always go wrong with her. You try to be really careful, but it is never the right moment, never the right suit, never the right card, etc., so much that some people say she is the patron saint of women (I just repeat what I heard here, don't kill the messenger). Several people have tried to write books about her, the best ones, the worst ones, but sometimes the best is the worst, and the worst is the best. In a word, Goddess Lead is unpredictable, capricious, always changing:
"No, not there!"
"... "
"Not there either!"
"... "
"That you've already done yesterday."
"Yes, but you liked it yesterday."
"Well, I do not like it today!"
If you ask me, we men also could write a catalogue, and it would be very, very thick.
To sum it all, Goddess Lead is simply unbearable. Indeed the majority of players want so much to avoid her that they bid one more: they would rather play the contract and go one down than having to find Miss Lead. In fact, she is the point L of bridge. And she is so pretentious, she thinks she's a star, a prima donna, because she is always the first to be seen. As soon as she appears, she begins to hop around and wave and shout:
"It's me, it's me, look at me!"
Isn't that REALLY annoying? It is so tiring that majority of players have settled the matter: they do not even look at her. That will teach her!
Another God is called Endplay.
The vast majority of players avoid him, as they have only one objective: to keep the hand.
They do not understand that they can use the opponents to play suits in their place.
Losing the hand is equivalent for them as to lose their honour. If they have to make 9 tricks, they want to make them 9 in a row. They are the over-eaters of bridge. They don't understand that a bridge hand is like a meal with 3, 4 or 5 services, with pauses to digest, reflect.
They are bulimic: the first 4 or 5 tricks go quickly, like at McDonald's. At trick 6, they begin to slow down, 7 is more difficult and 8 marks the end. They lose the hand and go down.
Endplay's name says he arrives only at the end of the hand, but sometimes he appears at the first trick. When that happens, we have Endplay-on-Lead. Well, that is a sight. Can you imagine that ? Take the kids out of the room, hurry.
There is another God, very quiet, not spectacular at all, very discreet, not snob, not complicated, called Count, much more practical than Squeeze. In fact, you need him all the time. Sometimes you hear players talking about him.
"Why did you play spades? Count was telling you to play clubs."
There you have it: Count talks to you, he is there, at your service, always ready to help and, if you don't use him, well, it's your fault. If your make friend with this God, bridge becomes almost a child's game. Counting requires a little effort, but its assistance is invaluable.
In the sky of bridge, you see, there are several gods, and most of them do nothing (that is the definition of a God job: having nothing to do) except Lead with a full-time job. As for the others, you can see it day after day at the bridge table, the majority of players do not use them.
There is one last God, a Goddess in fact, extremely popular, so popular she is the Celine Dion of Olympus.
Everyone sings her songs, everyone buys magazines to hear about her life.
Do you have an idea, do you know who she is? But the Goddess Finesse, of course.
Finesse is really the most popular, the more attractive, alluring, charming, attractive, you could use the entire dictionary to describe her.
The vast majority of players spend their time running after Finesse, everybody loves her, they never have enough of her: Finesse here, Finesse there. They do not understand that Finesse should not be relied upon.
The good players are doing everything not to ask for her help, because she is not reliable: she gives you a chance out of two, 50% ( sometimes less), and that is understandable: she must be exhausted, poor Finesse, running everywhere and without judgement. For my part, I think she suffers of a chronic burn-out.
Other gods offer much higher chances of success: Count can offer 65%, 80%, even 100% sometimes; Endplay can assure you of 100%. But we must face the brutal fact: bad players believe they love to win but, basically, they would rather lose. Finesse is so beautiful, so exciting, so sexy...
You are playing 6♥. Lead is ♣K
A loser in spades, one in clubs and at least one at heart, but nothing is lost.
You win the club Ace in your hand. What is the first God who must enlist? Goddess Finesse, of course, in hearts.
Not for pleasure, a mandatory finesse is not the same as an avoidable finesse, here you have no choice. You play, therefore, a small diamond to the King, and a heart from dummy. Small, Jack from you and small on your left. Phew!
Goddess Finesse is very nice this time. You now play the Ace of heart and everyone follows. Re-phew! Voila.
After these 4 tricks, this contract is 100%, you cannot fail. The spade finesse, you say, may miss? What finesse in spades? Send Goddess Finesse home, we no longer need her. By the way, good players do not like to be seen too often with her, she has a bad reputation and they might be accused of bad dating.
After Goddess Finesse, you should now call God Elimination. Indeed you have already started, you have eliminated the hearts of enemy hands. Now you have to remove the diamonds from your hand. Go ahead, therefore: Ace of diamonds and ruff a diamond. Here's what remains:
Finesse in spades ? Didn't we send her home ? I told you, she cannot help you, she can only harm you. She will tell you that you have to guess who has the Queen of Spades. Do you believe that it is really helpful? In fact, she could make you fail.
You should rather use Endplay. First he will be pleased you called for him in the middle of the hand.
Think about it: if you play clubs, eliminating that suit your hands, opponents will have no more heart, you will have no more diamonds, no more clubs, and opponents will have to play spades for you or they will give you Ruff and Sluff, frequent accomplice of Endplay.
Why guess spades when opponents can do it for you? That's what the God Endplay can do for you: he will force West to play spades for you. If West plays a diamond or a club, you will ruff in dummy, discard the spade loser from your hand and register + 1430.
You give one trick to win 5. If this is not a good return on investment!
Speaking of investment, I'll give you a tip: my wife and I have invested for years in the same stocks and we have never lost a penny. At the end of the month, our statement is always higher than what we anticipated. Have you guessed what we invest in? It's easy, it's Visa and MasterCard!
Do not be afraid to invoke all the gods of the bridge, forget about the beautiful goddess Finesse, do not use her unless you're really, REALLY, in need. Rather ask help from everyone else, they are kind and understanding, and they are there to help you really.
As for Goddess Lead (and stocks), do like me... endure.
Do you believe bridge gods exist somewhere?
I, for one, think yes.
But not a heaven with a single God: first of all, that God would surely be a man, a real macho not funny at all, who would spend his time bragging. No, I am thinking more of a heaven like the Greeks had, with many gods, men, women, all happy and very interested in... you know, a heaven where the gods would cheerfully cheat on their spouse. Zeus was the master in that domain, seducing all women, mortal or divine.
So, in my bridge heaven, the most prestigious God, and the less understood, is certainly God Squeeze.
Squeeze is a bit like Zeus in that he slept with everyone and has produced innumerable bastards: Simplesqueeze, Doublesqueeze, Triplesqueeze, Non-simultaneous-squeeze (rather twisted, you don't think?), Squeeze-without-the-count, Trumpsqueeze, CompoundSqueeze, Crisscrosssqueeze, etc.
The immense majority of players don't hang out with the Squeeze family; they find them too complicated. You have all these conditions before you can begin: Do this, don't do that, duck this, rectify the count, etc. It is hell.
In the emphatic gibberish of today's psychologists, Squeezes would surely be identified as a dysfunctional family.
Please note that squeezes are a bit like those rare diseases that you learn about in medical schools: they rarely happen. Bridge is the same thing: squeezes are rare.
The only thing you have to do at bridge is to count to... 13.
Another God is called Elimination.
He is not funny: you're always on diet, you always have to eliminate, eliminate, eliminate, it's... drastic. Elimination might be necessary anytime during a hand, at the beginning, in the middle or at the end. This God is very useful and easy to understand: all you have to do is to cash your tricks, one after the other, no finesse, no ducking, Ace, King, Queen, bang, bang, bang, that's all.
Next is a Goddess that nobody, but nobody, understands: Goddess Lead.
She is so complicated, you always go wrong with her. You try to be really careful, but it is never the right moment, never the right suit, never the right card, etc., so much that some people say she is the patron saint of women (I just repeat what I heard here, don't kill the messenger). Several people have tried to write books about her, the best ones, the worst ones, but sometimes the best is the worst, and the worst is the best. In a word, Goddess Lead is unpredictable, capricious, always changing:
"No, not there!"
"... "
"Not there either!"
"... "
"That you've already done yesterday."
"Yes, but you liked it yesterday."
"Well, I do not like it today!"
If you ask me, we men also could write a catalogue, and it would be very, very thick.
To sum it all, Goddess Lead is simply unbearable. Indeed the majority of players want so much to avoid her that they bid one more: they would rather play the contract and go one down than having to find Miss Lead. In fact, she is the point L of bridge. And she is so pretentious, she thinks she's a star, a prima donna, because she is always the first to be seen. As soon as she appears, she begins to hop around and wave and shout:
"It's me, it's me, look at me!"
Isn't that REALLY annoying? It is so tiring that majority of players have settled the matter: they do not even look at her. That will teach her!
Another God is called Endplay.
The vast majority of players avoid him, as they have only one objective: to keep the hand.
They do not understand that they can use the opponents to play suits in their place.
Losing the hand is equivalent for them as to lose their honour. If they have to make 9 tricks, they want to make them 9 in a row. They are the over-eaters of bridge. They don't understand that a bridge hand is like a meal with 3, 4 or 5 services, with pauses to digest, reflect.
They are bulimic: the first 4 or 5 tricks go quickly, like at McDonald's. At trick 6, they begin to slow down, 7 is more difficult and 8 marks the end. They lose the hand and go down.
Endplay's name says he arrives only at the end of the hand, but sometimes he appears at the first trick. When that happens, we have Endplay-on-Lead. Well, that is a sight. Can you imagine that ? Take the kids out of the room, hurry.
There is another God, very quiet, not spectacular at all, very discreet, not snob, not complicated, called Count, much more practical than Squeeze. In fact, you need him all the time. Sometimes you hear players talking about him.
"Why did you play spades? Count was telling you to play clubs."
There you have it: Count talks to you, he is there, at your service, always ready to help and, if you don't use him, well, it's your fault. If your make friend with this God, bridge becomes almost a child's game. Counting requires a little effort, but its assistance is invaluable.
In the sky of bridge, you see, there are several gods, and most of them do nothing (that is the definition of a God job: having nothing to do) except Lead with a full-time job. As for the others, you can see it day after day at the bridge table, the majority of players do not use them.
There is one last God, a Goddess in fact, extremely popular, so popular she is the Celine Dion of Olympus.
Everyone sings her songs, everyone buys magazines to hear about her life.
Do you have an idea, do you know who she is? But the Goddess Finesse, of course.
Finesse is really the most popular, the more attractive, alluring, charming, attractive, you could use the entire dictionary to describe her.
The vast majority of players spend their time running after Finesse, everybody loves her, they never have enough of her: Finesse here, Finesse there. They do not understand that Finesse should not be relied upon.
The good players are doing everything not to ask for her help, because she is not reliable: she gives you a chance out of two, 50% ( sometimes less), and that is understandable: she must be exhausted, poor Finesse, running everywhere and without judgement. For my part, I think she suffers of a chronic burn-out.
Other gods offer much higher chances of success: Count can offer 65%, 80%, even 100% sometimes; Endplay can assure you of 100%. But we must face the brutal fact: bad players believe they love to win but, basically, they would rather lose. Finesse is so beautiful, so exciting, so sexy...
You are playing 6♥. Lead is ♣K
A loser in spades, one in clubs and at least one at heart, but nothing is lost.
You win the club Ace in your hand. What is the first God who must enlist? Goddess Finesse, of course, in hearts.
Not for pleasure, a mandatory finesse is not the same as an avoidable finesse, here you have no choice. You play, therefore, a small diamond to the King, and a heart from dummy. Small, Jack from you and small on your left. Phew!
Goddess Finesse is very nice this time. You now play the Ace of heart and everyone follows. Re-phew! Voila.
After these 4 tricks, this contract is 100%, you cannot fail. The spade finesse, you say, may miss? What finesse in spades? Send Goddess Finesse home, we no longer need her. By the way, good players do not like to be seen too often with her, she has a bad reputation and they might be accused of bad dating.
After Goddess Finesse, you should now call God Elimination. Indeed you have already started, you have eliminated the hearts of enemy hands. Now you have to remove the diamonds from your hand. Go ahead, therefore: Ace of diamonds and ruff a diamond. Here's what remains:
Finesse in spades ? Didn't we send her home ? I told you, she cannot help you, she can only harm you. She will tell you that you have to guess who has the Queen of Spades. Do you believe that it is really helpful? In fact, she could make you fail.
You should rather use Endplay. First he will be pleased you called for him in the middle of the hand.
Think about it: if you play clubs, eliminating that suit your hands, opponents will have no more heart, you will have no more diamonds, no more clubs, and opponents will have to play spades for you or they will give you Ruff and Sluff, frequent accomplice of Endplay.
Why guess spades when opponents can do it for you? That's what the God Endplay can do for you: he will force West to play spades for you. If West plays a diamond or a club, you will ruff in dummy, discard the spade loser from your hand and register + 1430.
You give one trick to win 5. If this is not a good return on investment!
Speaking of investment, I'll give you a tip: my wife and I have invested for years in the same stocks and we have never lost a penny. At the end of the month, our statement is always higher than what we anticipated. Have you guessed what we invest in? It's easy, it's Visa and MasterCard!
Do not be afraid to invoke all the gods of the bridge, forget about the beautiful goddess Finesse, do not use her unless you're really, REALLY, in need. Rather ask help from everyone else, they are kind and understanding, and they are there to help you really.
As for Goddess Lead (and stocks), do like me... endure.
Monday, April 14, 2014
The Story of Tables and Chairs
In the world of bridge, everyone knows there are tables and chairs.
But did you know tables look down on chairs ?
Tables are snob, that's something I've learned in a recent tournament. One afternoon, I played in a 3-way and my team lost. That evening, a player asked another player (member of the team that had beat us) :
"Who did you beat this afternoon?"
"8 chairs," was the response.
That is when I learned that tables don't have a very high opinion of chairs.
Well, the night after that, this TABLE arrived at my chair (what can I say ?).
First board:
TABLE's partner opened 1♦ Precision, and all passed.
My chair lead a diamond and we collected 12 out of 18 for down 2.
Second board:
My chair opened 1NT and it went pass, pass, 2♥ (hearts and spades).
I passed, the TABLE passed and my partner doubled. The chairs defended well, sitting on their tricks (what can one do to a chair ?) and earned 16/18.
Third board:
TABLE's partner tried a curve ball that didn't curve. How can a flat table think of throwing a curve ball?
When the curve ball pitcher bid 5♣, the TABLE, who should have passed on 4♥, unless he takes his partner for a chair, took a very aggressive tone. With the years, chairs have been able to understand the TABLE's language.
"You have no right to bid. Once you bid 2♠, it's my show, you're out of the picture."
The chairs collected 15/18, for a total of 43 out of 54 matchpoints.
The TABLE left his chair (oops!) without saying a word. A TABLE hates looking like a chair.
Chairs of the world, beware: don't let one victory go to your head and make you think you are a TABLE.
But did you know tables look down on chairs ?
Tables are snob, that's something I've learned in a recent tournament. One afternoon, I played in a 3-way and my team lost. That evening, a player asked another player (member of the team that had beat us) :
"Who did you beat this afternoon?"
"8 chairs," was the response.
That is when I learned that tables don't have a very high opinion of chairs.
Well, the night after that, this TABLE arrived at my chair (what can I say ?).
First board:
TABLE's partner opened 1♦ Precision, and all passed.
My chair lead a diamond and we collected 12 out of 18 for down 2.
Second board:
My chair opened 1NT and it went pass, pass, 2♥ (hearts and spades).
I passed, the TABLE passed and my partner doubled. The chairs defended well, sitting on their tricks (what can one do to a chair ?) and earned 16/18.
Third board:
TABLE's partner tried a curve ball that didn't curve. How can a flat table think of throwing a curve ball?
When the curve ball pitcher bid 5♣, the TABLE, who should have passed on 4♥, unless he takes his partner for a chair, took a very aggressive tone. With the years, chairs have been able to understand the TABLE's language.
"You have no right to bid. Once you bid 2♠, it's my show, you're out of the picture."
The chairs collected 15/18, for a total of 43 out of 54 matchpoints.
The TABLE left his chair (oops!) without saying a word. A TABLE hates looking like a chair.
Chairs of the world, beware: don't let one victory go to your head and make you think you are a TABLE.
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